Fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.
I don’t like the phrase ‘bettering yourself’. I find it just a polite way to say you are changing yourself to make others happy.
When you set out to better yourself or “become the best version of yourself” there is no end. Being better or the best is subjective. Everyone has a different view of what it looks like, so there is no standard to strive for – it is essentially unachievable. In the end, you will measure your achievement by how people respond to the changes you have made making it about them.
My husband and I had a disagreement earlier about how I respond to our disagreements. We argue, apologize, forgive, but I stay quiet. He asks me what’s wrong and I say I’m fine in order to gain some time to think. He then pushes me to admit that I’m not fine and talk about it. It bothers him that I say I’m fine when I’m not and it bothers me that he pushes me to talk when he knows “I’m fine” means I’m not and I need time to think.
It became this whole big thing, but the truth is that saying “I’m fine” is just a defense mechanism. It is something that I do – that I have always done – to buy some time to stew and think. This behavior is part of who I am and I don’t feel like I need to change it – especially because it is obvious and well-known in our house what “I’m fine” really means.
He believes that two people in a committed relationship should constantly be listening to each other and bettering themselves because they love the other. But to me that means that one suggests a way to make the other better and the other should do it to make the other happy. It didn’t sit well with me. I feel like it is absolutely ok for one to point out opportunities for growth, but that there should be no expectation for the other to change.
Some days I barely have the energy to get out of bed and feed myself, so I find the notion of constant betterment absolutely exhausting. The way I see it, you can water the plant, but the plant gets to decide if they want to grow or if they are happy the way they are. And I for one am happy the way I am!