Being Yourself

being yourself 1Ever since you are old enough to form your own opinions and make your own choices, you are taught and told over and over again to “be yourself,” but what does that mean?

What defines us? What makes us who we are? What sets us apart? Why are we special? Do we get to choose the answers to these questions?

Personality. Talents. Achievements. Thoughts. Actions. Mistakes. Beliefs. These are all things that come to my mind when I think about who I am, but I am much more than that.

I have struggled a lot with this concept. I like to think of myself as an individual. Someone who is unique and original and quirky. Someone who is worth getting to know. My struggle is that I don’t feel like anyone really cares to know who I am or the little things that make me, me. I don’t feel like anyone wants to give up that time. But why? Why am I not good enough to occupy someone’s time or thoughts?

When asked to describe myself certain things come to mind. Often things that I can’t or don’t see the point in changing. I am short. I am white. I am American. I am a redhead. I wear glasses. Then there are characteristics that I consider to be “me,” but they aren’t always present. I am talkative. I am sweet. I am opinionated. I am blunt. I am energetic. Then there are the quirks. I can’t cook. I go to my car to feel safe. I cut my fingernails every other day. I drool anytime I lay my head down. I eat cupcakes upside down.

I feel like I am a good person who is interesting to be around. Don’t get me wrong, I have five best friends, a small handful of good friends, and then an abundance of acquaintances. Besides my best friends, most of them don’t know my quirks and when describing me would give very different characteristics.

They say that to be true to who you are, you have to be the same person everywhere. Well that is way more difficult than it sounds. I morph with my surroundings. If I feel uncomfortable then I grow quiet and fade into the background, but if I feel safe than I am outgoing and open. It is almost impossible to be the exact same person in all situations.

I am in this continual questioning of “why am I not good enough?” and it always leads to these experiments- maybe if I try being the quiet, shy girl then people will like me more; maybe if I try being the overly obnoxious girl then people will want to talk to me; maybe if I come off as the sassy and opinionated girl then people will listen to me. The list goes on, but sadly I still always feel alone, unwanted, and unliked.

So I am still at a loss when people tell me to just “be yourself.” It makes me cringe, because it is, quite possibly, the worst advice ever. I barely even remember who “myself” is these days. What’s the point of sticking with “myself” when people don’t like her?

❤ a girl

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5 thoughts on “Being Yourself

  1. I think the phrase “be yourself” is lazy advice. It generally comes from a good place and they really do mean it! But the problem is people tend to say this when they really want you to be like them. Or when they don’t want you to change. I am different around different people. Not because I’m trying to be fake, but because I draw energy out of the people and situation around me. I also morph into what is going on. And it’s not wrong! Everyone does it.

    I really connected with this and am very glad to read it. 🙂

    Like

    • It is nice to not feel so alone in my thoughts and feelings.
      Last night I had sort of a breakdown and just had to get my thoughts out which is where this blog came from. I am so relieved to know that I am not a bad person or crazy for changing with the situation. I feel like people tell me to “be myself” when they don’t really know how to help me in that moment and that somehow if I am true to me then I will be ok, but most of the time that just makes me more stressed and insecure, because I am still figuring out who “me” is.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. OH. MY. WORD. Seriously you just summed up everything I feel all the time. I, too, can be extremely outgoing with friends–I mean, downright obnoxious at times. But then with others, like you said, I’ll fade into the background. I’ll morph into my surroundings. I just went through rush and, what do you hear every seven seconds, “just be yourself!” Well what if you’re still trying to find out who that person is? What if that person changes from group to group? Does that make me fake? Or am I just confused? Am I the only one who feels like there are seven different versions of me?

    Seriously, THANK YOU for this post. I don’t magically know who I am now, but I’m so thankful I’m not alone.

    Like

    • Seriously though… personally I don’t think you are fake, because I do the same thing (I think everyone does that, if they are being honest) and I do believe that who you are changes depending on how comfortable we feel and the things that happen to us.
      You Are Definitely Not A Fake! 🙂
      I am glad to know I am not alone either. Sometimes it feels like everyone is already sure of who they are, but trust me, there are tons of us out there who are still figuring it out and that is okay.

      Thank you for stopping by too! ❤

      Like

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