The Fear Of…

anuptaphobia 1Anuptaphobia: the fear of staying or being single.

Aphenphosmphobia: the fear of being touched.

Philophobia: the fear of affection.

I honestly believe that I suffer from all three of those. I think they stem from one another and it all begins with my fear of being single forever.

It’s weird, because I don’t necessarily mind being single. I have been the single girl my entire life, so I identify with it, but it wouldn’t be so bad having someone pick me. But see that is where the other two come in. I do not like to be hugged or really physically touched at all and I absolutely have a problem with compliments and eye contact.

So this causes real issues in friendships and possible relationships. No one understands why I feel this way and heck I don’t even know why I feel this way.

They say it can be traced back to something in your childhood, but I can’t really think of a specific time. I come from a very loving family and growing up I had lots of friends. It wasn’t until junior high that I began to slowly isolate myself from people.

Okay, maybe I lied. I may possibly have an idea as to why I am this way, but it has nothing to do with being abused or neglected. As for my fear of being touched- I have a skin disease called eczema which causes my skin to be dry all the time and on top of that I have extremely wrinkly hands for no apparent reason. This causes me to be extremely self-conscious about people touching or looking at my skin. As for my fear of affection- I have never had a boyfriend and I was asked out once (which turned out to be a disaster), so I am weird about compliments, because I always feel like people are lying and eye-contact is just too personal.

So I have decided that my irrational fears stem from my own insecurities. It is a sort of domino effect. No one has liked me in the past, therefore there has to be something wrong with me, therefore no one will like me in the future. This thought process is a problem.

I would love to quit thinking like this and just be totally confident and secure in myself, but how do you just change? How do you just quit being fearful of the only way you know how to be?

❤ a girl

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3 thoughts on “The Fear Of…

  1. Loved reading this post..Have felt the same way and still do. Keep being you.. the unsure, the vulnerable, the fearful.. all facets of who you are. We can’t not be one thing, life makes sure of that..hits you with plenty of curve balls. Life teaches us some interesting lessons and hindsight is the greatest teacher. What comforts me is knowing that you aren’t alone in the way you feel 🙂 Sometimes things just sort themselves out or you discover how to deal and accept them. The way I try and look at it is that fear teaches me that whoever helps me overcome or loves me despite my irrational feelings is someone worthy of my love…. says the longtime single girl here haha but silver linings and blah blah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my goodness thank you so much for your comment!! I loved reading it and really needed to hear it! I have never had anyone tell me that my irrational fears are ok, but I think they are. I can’t just stop feeling this way. I am also comforted by knowing (now) that I am not alone.
      I also believe there is someone out there who will also love me despite my ridiculousness.
      Thanks again girl! 🙂

      Like

  2. Pingback: Sophomore Year // Week 5 | Little Miss Unsure

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