He is the king of mixed signals and she is the queen of getting her hopes up.
One day I want to be the girl who actually gets the guy. Being a hopeless romantic is engrained inside of me, but I don’t know why. I love to read sappy love stories, watch romantic comedies and dramas, and listen as people talk about their personal experiences with relationships. Although I do have a growing sense of cynicism, I can’t shake that feeling I get when I read or watch something about love. It is just something that I will always long for no matter what.
Being the best friend, the sweet co-worker, and the one with an ear always willing to listen is my specialty. I have perfected being the girl who is dependable and friendly that everyone smiles at and is nice to (for the most part). But part of me doesn’t want to always be that girl. Part of me wants to be that mysterious, elusive girl that everyone wants to get to know. Part of me wants to be that overzealous, party girl who everyone wants to hang out with.
I have never been the prettiest, the smartest, the talented, or the popular, so I have a bit of skepticism and realism on my side when it comes to wanting someone to pick me, because, quite frankly, I have never been that girl. But it is such a hindrance having that hopeless romantic inside of me who melts when a guy spends time with me, talks to me, or does something chivalrous for no reason. I have to tell that romantic inside of me to hush, because I can’t develop feelings for him and think he is doing these things for me, because he likes me, but more because I am nice and that is what he is supposed to do.
It may be strange or pathetic, but not developing crushes is difficult for me. I have always been that girl who has a crush on someone. Whether I voice it out loud or keep it a secret, it is always there. But this can be a negative thing as well, because when the feelings are never reciprocated it just brings my self-confidence and self-love to a lower notch. I just keep wondering to myself why I am not good enough for any of the guys that treat me right, are nice to me, and I think are cute.
I keep waiting for that moment when I finally spark interest in someone or when the guy I am crushing on finally wakes up and decides I am worth it, but sometimes that moment seems so far away or like it is never going to happen. But that oh so hopeless romantic inside of me won’t allow me to lose hope.
❤ a girl