Expectations

expectations 6

My heart hurts.

It hurts, because I feel like I can’t be honest with my family and friends. I can’t tell them about how I feel. I can’t tell them all that is running through my head all the time. I can’t tell them about my disappointments, about my fear, about my problems.

My heart hurts.

It hurts, because I have to keep everything bottled up inside me. I bottle it up, because the people in my life won’t understand. They won’t understand my change of heart, my change of mind, or my change of perspective.

My heart hurts.

It hurts, because I am filled with so much fear. I fear that if I am honest with the people in my life they will leave me, push me aside, declare me unworthy of their time. I have no proof they will react like this, but I know them. I have experienced their reactions to things similar to this and I don’t want to experience it myself. Sometimes fear is good. Healthy. Sometimes keeping it bottled up is easier. Better.

My heart hurts.

It hurts, because I all I want to do is explode. I want to confess everything! I want to tell them how I am questioning my faith. I want to tell them that I am confused. I want to tell them that I want to experience life. I want to tell them that I don’t want to be perfect anymore.

My heart hurts.

It hurts, because the people in my life have expectations of me that they are not willing to lower or change. I instilled these expectations in them. I was that girl that they expect me to be, but people change. I have changed. They won’t understand. So I bottle it up and wait until the day I explode.

My heart hurts.

❀ a girl

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Expectations

    • I sure hope that’s true. I wish I could think the best of them… but my fear is so great! I think they will try to talk me out of decisions, if that makes sense, and I really don’t want to have to defend my thoughts all the time.

      Like

  1. No good will come from bottling everything up! Sure, your fears about their reaction *might* be true (but is that worse than keeping it all in?) but what if you’re wrong? As a Dad myself, there is nothing my children could say to me that would cause me to not love them or want not to support them. I might try to put forward experience and wisdom to assist and help them avoid mistakes, but it’s always their own path. I hope your parents are like that πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

What Do You Think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s