Last night, I went farther than I ever have. That sounds really bad. But in comparison to what I usually do on the weekends, this is a true statement.
I have been experimenting with drinking. I think last night was my fifth night to ever drink in my entire life. I’ve only been to two parties (and the first one barely counts). Elephant invited me to a party yesterday, so me and a few friends went.
Normally, I drink in a controlled environment; like Elephant’s apartment. Well, last night at the party all they had was punch and beer. I can’t stomach beer, but there was no way I was making it through the night without something, so punch it was.
Parties aren’t really my thing. Or they used to not be my thing. I was standing there watching people mingle or play different games and I just kind of felt out-of-place, because that kind of setting doesn’t come naturally to me. So one cup of punch became two cups of punch which became three cups of punch.
I wasn’t even feeling any different at first, but then the party changed venue and as we were walking to the other apartment, I began to feel it. The warmness in my legs and the giggles that came out of my mouth. We made it, but this other apartment has parties all the time. So it had dark lights and stuff that made it hard for me to see and stay alert.
By this point, I finally understood what it meant to feel numb. I was just standing in one spot by the couch, but my whole body felt heavy. I tried to lick my lips and I had to kind of bite them to remind myself that they were still there. I was already starting to be friendly, overly-sweet, and honest too.
A little while later this guy came up to me and started talking to me, so I was actually a little relieved to have the distraction, but then it progressed. He kept cupping my face, kissing my forehead, and telling me I looked cute. In the mental-state I was in, I didn’t really feel violated by any means, but today looking back, it was really weird.
I saw some of my friend’s go out onto the balcony, so I followed them needing some fresh air, but sure enough they went out there to smoke. I stood in the corner, because I liked the breeze on my face, but watching people get high was an odd thing for me to see. I didn’t participate, but I couldn’t believe how natural they were about it.
After they were drunk and high, we went back inside and they played a little beer pong, but I had to stand against the wall, because the punch had been gradually settling in and I was wobbly, tired, and fuzzy. People started to leave, so once they finished their game, we did too. Getting back to my friend’s apartment wasn’t hard, but then again it was, because walking was a difficult task at this point.
Once we made it, they decided to get high again (against my wishes and pleas), but they made me mac n’ cheese which I am still not sure was a good choice.
I learned this morning that the punch was a little over 60% vodka and the rest fruit punch (I think). So I almost had the equivalent of 6 shots of vodka last night. Besides a slight headache, I feel fine today, but I just can’t fathom that last night happened. I am not sure how to feel about it.
❤ a girl