There’s Always that Person that Thinks They are Alpha

pissing people off

The above picture is literally what was going through my head last night.

As some of you know, one of my summer jobs is being a hostess. I’m the oldest hostess and have been there the longest. Sometimes this is a good thing other times it is not. They keep hiring new people and I have to train them and there is always at least one person who doesn’t take well to having someone “in charge” and telling them what to do and how to do it.

It’s important to understand that I am the person who is “in charge” and for a good reason. But I am also kind of mellow when I am not around my friends or really excited about something. I am not there to become besties with all of them. I am also anal and meticulous about the way I run my host stand, because I know my system works. I can also get extremely stressed out and frustrated when things aren’t going according to plan.

Last night was super busy. We had live music and an hour long wait. I was working with one girl who I like and work well with, one girls who is all air in the head, and one new girl (it was her third-ever shift). All night she kept irritating me and screwing up. It frustrates the hell out of me when people cut me off or talk over me as I am speaking to customers. I was really behaving myself though when she would do this to me.

Well at one point, they messed up and never sat a lady I told them to, so she came up and complained which was totally understandable. This was one of those ‘if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself’ moments, so I ran outside and found her a table, seated her, and apologized again for our mistake. When I got back up to the stand the new girl was standing in my spot. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I stand there, because I run what we call “board” and from this spot I can see the entire inside part of the restaurant, the lobby, and the floor chart as well as write down names for the wait-list. Pretty much it is imperative that I stand there for my meticulous system to stay working properly.

I nicely and calmly said, “Excuse me” and she [the new girl] rudely made fun of me and said with so much attitude, “What I can’t stand here!?” I nicely and calmly said, “No, that is where I stand.”  She then proceeded to ignore my nice and calm demeanor and said, “Well I’m going to run things.” I had already been at work for five hours at this point and I was exhausted and stressed, so I took a deep breathe and walked away. When I get irritated and frustrated with someone I take a lap around the restaurant to cool myself down. I was standing outside when my manager asked what I was doing. I explained the situation and told him that if she wanted to do my job, then she could.

He took me back in there and told her that I was “board” person. After he walked away she said, “Did you just go tell on me?” I said, “No I didn’t. He asked me what happened and I told him.” A customer walked up and she continued to spat at me, “Well that’s not what I heard. I heard you were talking crap about me to everyone.” Needless to say I had been outside for all of like five minutes and everyone was crazy busy. I ignored her and spoke to my customer.

This girl had it out for me just because it was my job to tell her where to seat people. That is just how the system works, but I had had enough. I am four years older than her, so I refuse to stoop down to her level and give into yelling at her, because that is what she wants. Some other things were said after I left that night and then again tonight.

There just comes a time when you are too old to be involved in pointless, petty drama like this. Sometimes I have difficult expressing assertiveness and instead it comes off as bitchy. So I take laps instead which seems like I am giving in, but fingers crossed that the new job I got works out, so I can quit hosting and grow up!

❤ a girl

Bred to be a Housewife

I used to know this family who had four daughters and one son. They went to my church for a little while and came across as the perfect Christian family who could do no wrong. Honestly, they made me a little sick. Well I was never really close to them and last I heard they moved away, but I still know people who know them or follow them on social media, so I get an update on their lives every so often.

Ever since I met them, I felt like they were being bred to be housewives. Between how they were allowed to date and who they were allowed to date, I just felt they never really had a say. All they talked about was finding a Godly guy to marry and settle down with. They were taught to cook and craft. I don’t think it helped much that they were homeschooled.

I just found out that the oldest just got married. The second oldest got married a year ago and had her first kid yesterday. The third oldest is engaged to be married at the end of the year. This blows my mind. They are all married before they turn 21.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with people who marry young. My mom got married at 19 and had both my brother and I by the time she was 22. It just bothers me that these girls are taught their sole purpose in life is to be a wife. They have all this biblical stuff to back it up, but I just don’t understand it.

I want to teach my children and encourage them to be all and whatever they want to be. I want them to know that there is a whole world out there worth exploring. I want to let them form their own views and opinions through school and their mistakes.

In my experience, going off to college has flipped my world upside down. My views have changed dramatically in the past two years and it hurts my heart to know that these girls are never going to have that opportunity. They probably aren’t bothered by this. They are very adamant about their lifestyle, but I don’t feel like they know any different. I don’t feel like they were told that they can be anything.

That is the end of my rant. The end.

❤ a girl

Cloudy with a Chance Of…

weather and mood

Lately I have felt that the weather has been describing me. Ever since the first week of May, North Texas has not been itself. When we check the weather, it calls for rain everyday which is quite unusual. It seems to be sunshine in the morning and by afternoon we are being warned about flooding.

I feel like this reflects me. I have been trying to be a more positive person (which I why I seem to have nothing to write about), but my negativity seems to always get the best of me. Like the weather, the sun starts out the day, but by the end the rain has taken over.

It is crazy to watch outside as the storm literally rolls in to steal the light. These huge black clouds cover the area, but not as far as the eye can see. The light is still visible in the distance, which gives me hope that I can still grasp my positive attitude and reel it back in.

It’s funny to me, because people are always encouraging me to be positive, confident, and happy, yet I feel like nobody wants to read about someone who has their life together. It is so much easier to bond when you both have issues to deal with.

My life still isn’t perfect and I still have lots of growing to do, so many posts to come, but I wanted to share this cool weather tidbit with you.

❤ a girl

“But you’re so pretty!”

beautyFor the summer, I have gone back to my old high school job which was hosting at a local restaurant. Last night, I was working with this girl who is sixteen. She and I got off to a rocky start when we met a couple days ago and there has been a lot of walking on egg shells. When I am in my element (hosting) my extremely bossy, demanding, controlling side comes out and not everyone can handle it. I do my job and I do it well. I don’t play nice with those who tend to cut corners, be lazy, and not do what is expected of them.

Well this girl is one of those. After I snapped at her, she morphed into one of those overly nice girls who tries to be your friend, because they don’t want you upset with them. Honestly, I don’t care about being her friend, so I just went about as normal through the night. Once we got off our wait and the rush was over, we were both standing up there. The other girl and her had been discussing their love lives (albeit they are both sixteen), but when the other girl got cut for the night, I was the only one left. Sadly.

After a few moments of silence, the girl asks me – “Do you have a boyfriend?” This is not an absurd question and I had been waiting for her to ask me since that seems to be everyone’s question after asking how old I am. I shook my head and told her that I didn’t have one. Her immediate response was – “But you’re so pretty!” 

I was completely speechless. I’ve only been out of high school for two years, but I just couldn’t fathom being surrounded by such a shallow person. I thanked her and preceded to explain to her that I felt being in a relationship was about more than just looks. That there were a lot of other aspects I look for in a guy that I wanted to be with and so far I hadn’t found anyone.

She looked at me dumbfounded. Like I was a complete idiot or totally insane. I didn’t know what else to say, so I just left that hanging in the air and walked off. I’m still kind of in shock that she said that to me. I keep telling myself she probably said that to get back in my good graces, but the part that makes me laugh is that she said it without skipping a beat. That was legitimately her first thought.

There are days when I wonder where I came from. Why I’m not like the others that surround me. Then there are other days when I am so thankful that I have the thought process that I do.

❤ a girl

Too Young For This

weird face

Deer is getting married to one of my other good friends and I am a bridesmaid. It was super sweet of her to ask me and I was delighted to say yes. Last night I got an invitation to her lingerie shower and my first thought was that I was too young to be going to something like that.

It is weird for me to think about being twenty and entering this new stage where my friends are going to start settling down and getting married and having children. I have to attend a lingerie shower for goodness sake which requires me to have to pick out something for my friend to where while sleeping with my other friend.

I know this is natural. I know they are in love. I am so happy for them. But it doesn’t make it any less awkward for me. Maybe it’s because I’m immature in these areas or because this is the first time I have been in this situation, but I don’t know how to feel about it.

I want to be cool about this whole thing. I want to be outwardly excited for them instead of having my cheeks turn bright red. Why does that happen? When do I cross over that line from being a kid to being an adult. Technically I have been an adult for two years. I’m in freaking college, yet I still don’t feel like one.

When does this change? Is there anything I can do to start feeling like an adult; to start accepting all of this?

❤ a girl