This post really has no goal, no underlying truth, no meaning… it is just me trying to sort out the mess I am in. I’m basically just confused and can’t figure what went wrong, what I did, where we stand, or what is going on. Oh these questions that I just can’t seem to answer.
It is a weird feeling when the one person you talked to all day ever day for over two months just becomes too busy to talk to you anymore. At first I got it; he is leaving for the military on Monday and has stuff to do things to get together and people to see, but does that really mean that your fingers can’t send a quick text every few hours? Does that really mean that you can’t spare 5 minutes for a quick phone call? I know I am whiny and slightly irritating, but at least have the decency to say that instead of just cut me off slowly.
Then how you make a HUGE mistake and feel completely AWFUL about it and wish you could fix it and that your apology would be adequate. You beat yourself up about it for the night and the whole next day. When he doesn’t respond to your heartfelt and sincere apology, you figure he hates you and wants nothing to do with you and you deserve it. But then when you finally breakdown and call he is busy with family and says he will talk later and isn’t upset. You are upset and a little confused, but you figure you will talk about it later that night, but then he never calls or texts.
You decide to be persistent, because you don’t want this relationship to end, because you still have feelings for this person. You send a good morning text to remind him that you still exist and a few hours later get a response, but sadly it doesn’t elicit a response from you, so you leave him be. Then it happens– he texts you first!! He tells you a little about his day (yay!), but that’s it. Not a big deal, you reply with a small tidbit about your day and then nothing. So the confusion continues. You decide to call later that night when you figure he will be at home and not busy with anything, but he doesn’t answer. He texts letting you know he is driving. He seems to be driving for what seems like ages, so you text again. He finally replies much later that he went to see a movie in a different city, he is sorry for not communicating very much, and says he will call tomorrow. Now begs the question… will he actually? Why won’t he just call now? Sure, I am overbearing, but I haven’t gotten to talk to the one person I used to talk to on a daily basis in almost a week, so kill me if I miss him!
So here we are- today -no response to either text. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know where we stand. Are we even still friends, much less a thing? I just don’t know how to feel when the one person I used to count on doesn’t even seem to care that I exist or want to know how I am doing. I don’t know what to think about this whole thing? At first, I thought maybe he was just distancing himself to make leaving easier, but he said he wasn’t, so that left me even more confused. I really just want to talk to him even if it is for five freaking minutes, I just want to hear his smile through the phone and know what has been going on with him, because he means so much to me.
Am I awful? Am I overbearing? Am I needy? Sure, I’ll admit I might be all of those things at one time or another, but right now I am mainly just confused and would really like some answers.
❤ a girl
P.S. He still sends me the occasional smiley face, so I don’t think he is done, I just don’t know…