Figuring Out What Makes Me Free

I don’t want to be boxed in anymore.

There is a box for who I am supposed to be. I am reminded on a regular basis by friends, pictures, and memories of who I was. Not just last year, but back in high school and when I was just a kid. It is constantly brought to my attention that I was happy, energetic, positive, upbeat, colorful… you get the picture. It’s not like I don’t want to be those things; right now I just can’t be. But I want to stop feeling bad about it. It’s not like I am some horrifying person. I still have good qualities and “the me I used to be” is still buried deep down, you just have to look a little harder.

There is a box for what I am supposed to believe. Religion. Faith. Those are tricky subjects that I am caught in-between. Right now I am not sure where I am. I have been attending a small group and doing a devotional regularly, but I have not jumped in with both feet. I am not against or for, I am just exploring. I like having something to believe in, but I do not like all of the ridiculous rules that comes with it. I am just trying to find a balance at my own pace. This isn’t something I want to rush, because I want it to be genuine.

There is a box for how I am supposed to behave. They say actions speak louder than words and as much as I agree with this, I also think that words hit home harder. I used to pride myself in being an honest, blunt person, but everyone seemed to have a love/hate relationship with that part of me. They were proud I was their friend and I could say things they couldn’t, but then they would shush me when it was too embarrassing. Lately, with my insecurities running on high, I haven’t been as outspoken and I miss that– apparently so do my friends, because they keep telling me to find that fire and spark I used to have, but my only condition… when I find that part of me again, no one can shame me for it.

I want to be free. Free to think. Free to feel. Free to express.

 

I wanted my blog to show outwardly my inward need to feel free.

• The pictures at the top represent things that make me feel free… the beach, Converse, roadtrips, dreamcatchers, and VW beetles.
• The categories are more specific to what my life is about right now.
• The Bucket List page is about to be under-construction to actually list attainable goals that are currently on my heart.

This new look and feel has freedom to it and I love it!

❤ a girl