The crickets are gone!
All of my badgering paid off, because today the silence was replaced with words. Wonderful, wonderful words!!
I couldn’t just give up. Sure, I acted as if I was done. I said I had come to terms with everything. I insinuated that I was moving on. Well this was all untrue. I was still periodically messaging and calling every few days. They all went unanswered until today.
Anytime I am dealing with something confusing, I think about my guy, because he always had a knack for helping me see a little clearer. Well I decided to go at it again, because I desperately needed to hear something. I decided to send an email first, but then I chose to torture myself some more and look at our Facebook messages. He was online, so I took the plunge and sent the most honest message I could muster hoping something would get through.
Then it happened, the little ding that occurred when the person has read your message. My hand started shaking, because this hadn’t happened in over 9 weeks. Then the little gray dots appeared and I almost went into shock. Then his reply popped up and a tear escaped my eye.
I took a deep breath and read his words. His words. His words. My guy had finally given me what I had been seeking for so long. He didn’t hate me. He wasn’t mad at me. He just needed some distance to pull his life back together. I slowly let out my breath and let a few other tears escape.
Y’all might think I am crazy, but I don’t care. I wasn’t hoping for nothing. I didn’t believe for nothing. This is progress and I am so so so thankful!! I do not want to be someone who gives up when things get hard or confusing. I want to be patient and understanding and, most importantly, forgiving.
Closure is bittersweet, but welcomed nonetheless.
❤ a girl