Say hello to my new baby girl Winnifred “Winnie” Bowman.
I have been super emotional lately and really wanted an addition to love and take care of. She has already brightened my spirits tremendously and I absolutely adore her.
If you are curious, she is a Great Pyrenees/Anatolian Shepherd Mix and is 8 weeks old. She should be huge and super lazy! My kind of dog!
I am super excited to have her join my family. We are working on potty training right now and it is so fun. She is such a hoot and I can’t wait to do life with her forever!
My emotions are a constant rollercoaster.
One day I am ready to forgive everyone and be the best damn person I can be. The next day I am losing my mind and crying entire lakes. The day after that I am radiating positivity and wanting to help everyone. The next day I am wallowing and feigning sickness to avoid life.
I literally just want to sleep and cry… occasionally eat. I don’t want to be with people yet being alone seems so scary. I’m being hurt by good friends and I feel like I am drowning with all my schoolwork. I loathe my internship, but feel guilty about it, because they are so nice to me. I just wish I could figure my life out.
Sometimes I wish I could just turn my emotions off. I am always so high or so low; I desperately want to find an in-between! I feel like I am drowning and can’t keep my head above water. I need more time in the day!
I’ll keep paddling, but beware I am getting awfully tired.
Have you ever been with another person or a group of people and felt invisible or inferior? This happens to me a lot, but at the same time I know I am guilty of making others feel this way. It is a bully complex- making those around you feel like nothing in order to make yourself feel like something.
It makes me sad to think that I behave this way, because I am insecure with who I am. Lately, I have been learning about real, genuine friendship. I have been having to accept that people cannot be everything you need or want, but they also cannot fill the places where you feel empty. If I don’t want people expecting me to be perfect and put together then I can’t expect that from them.
One thing I have realized is that I have the power to be an amazing friend. Through experiencing so much true friendship in the past few weeks, I feel so loved and accepted for the reasons that make me, me! I have decided that I want to make everyone feel like that, because everyone deserves to feel like that!
I feel that I possess so many qualities that I can funnel into being a person who makes everyone feel important, because they should know that they matter. Whether that is just giving someone the time of day, smiling at a stranger, or giving a friend some tough love. I don’t want to sugar-coat my relationships anymore; life is just too dang short.
So it doesn’t matter if you have hurt me in the past or we have gone our separate ways or we are growing apart… whatever the situation, I don’t care. I am over holding all of these negative feelings against each other. I’m not perfect. They aren’t perfect. I want to spend time getting to know people and really, genuinely caring about them. I want them to know I am there for them no matter what (and mean it!).
Here’s to cultivating good, deep, genuine friendships!
A Precious Penny has officially made it to one year!!
It’s crazy to think that I have been at this blogging thing for 365 days. I was in such a bad place when I started this blog to help myself realize my self-worth and to gain some confidence. I have met so many amazing people and made some great friends!
I am really glad that I decided to start attempting to express my feelings, because I have learned so much from this blog and the people who have braved talking to me. I appreciate it all so much and logging in and reading about your lives always makes me smile and reminds me that I am not alone!
Although I am still not exactly the person I have always hoped to be and I still have lots of growing to do in the self-confidence department, but I am in such a better place than I was last year on this day.
I love you all and I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store!
A few days ago when I heard the lyrics about being a certain person for an amount of time, I was feeling pretty over my whole situation. I felt like I finally understood (as much as I could) what happened and was confident that I could move on.
Then last night I got thrown a curve-ball. My friend and I were on our way to Dallas for an art show when she tells me that she had coffee with Q on Friday. I wasn’t necessarily upset, because a) he and I aren’t together anymore and b) they are allowed to be friends, but I was more jealous of the fact that she got to see him and I can’t. She wouldn’t tell me how he was doing besides telling me that he was fine, but that is the worst adjective ever. It just sucks that I care about him so much and now I know all of this stuff he is dealing with and I can’t even grab coffee and see how he is just because I am the ex-girlfriend.
So now I realize that I am not over it, to make matters worse, he texts me that night after I got back from the show. It was so random. He just asked how my weekend was going. This is a good sign that we have the potential to be friends, but it just caught me off guard. I asked how his weekend was going and I find out that he took his dog to the park and went to see Deadpool. This isn’t a big deal either except those were two things we were supposed to do together. It just amazed me that now he has all this time, money, and energy to meet up with friends, get out of the house, and do stuff…… I guess I am more irritated than anything, but it was good to hear from him.
I am still confident I can move on, but I have to understand that I will always care about him, but that doesn’t mean that I like him. At this moment (for the first time ever!) I don’t really want to be asked out, I just want to focus on me and my friendships… if someone wants to flirt with me and engage in witty banter and just be interested in being a good friend of mine, I won’t be opposed, but I just need to get over the other two relationships that are still nagging at me. I totally understand now how life gets so complicated when real feelings become involved.
Happy Valentine’s Day friends!