Mixed Feelings

Mixed Feelings

A few days ago when I heard the lyrics about being a certain person for an amount of time, I was feeling pretty over my whole situation. I felt like I finally understood (as much as I could) what happened and was confident that I could move on.

Then last night I got thrown a curve-ball. My friend and I were on our way to Dallas for an art show when she tells me that she had coffee with Q on Friday. I wasn’t necessarily upset, because a) he and I aren’t together anymore and b) they are allowed to be friends, but I was more jealous of the fact that she got to see him and I can’t. She wouldn’t tell me how he was doing besides telling me that he was fine, but that is the worst adjective ever. It just sucks that I care about him so much and now I know all of this stuff he is dealing with and I can’t even grab coffee and see how he is just because I am the ex-girlfriend.

So now I realize that I am not over it, to make matters worse, he texts me that night after I got back from the show. It was so random. He just asked how my weekend was going. This is a good sign that we have the potential to be friends, but it just caught me off guard. I asked how his weekend was going and I find out that he took his dog to the park and went to see Deadpool. This isn’t a big deal either except those were two things we were supposed to do together. It just amazed me that now he has all this time, money, and energy to meet up with friends, get out of the house, and do stuff…… I guess I am more irritated than anything, but it was good to hear from him.

I am still confident I can move on, but I have to understand that I will always care about him, but that doesn’t mean that I like him. At this moment (for the first time ever!) I don’t really want to be asked out, I just want to focus on me and my friendships… if someone wants to flirt with me and engage in witty banter and just be interested in being a good friend of mine, I won’t be opposed, but I just need to get over the other two relationships that are still nagging at me. I totally understand now how life gets so complicated when real feelings become involved.

Happy Valentine’s Day friends!

❤ Lauren


4 thoughts on “Mixed Feelings

  1. You can and you will move on but it’ll take time; sometimes it’ll take a lot of time. I’m still dealing with some issues from my last relationship and it’s been over two years since we broke up. Anyways, you should get some distance between the two of you. Maybe you shouldn’t even have contact for a certain amount of time (e.g. 4 weeks). That sounds hard but you’ve got a lot to think about and a lot of stuff in your head that you gotta get in order.
    Why does he suddenly have time for the things you wanted to do? Well, sometimes in a relationship people feel pressured or obligated to do things. Once they’re out of that relationship they know that they wanna go to the cinema because they feel like it and not because they feel an obligation towards their partner. I’m not saying this holds true for your ex-boyfriend; it’s just what comes to my mind. But that’s exactly what you should do, go on and do what you feel like you wanna do. Think about what happened when you need to think, cry when you need to cry but don’t forget to enjoy yourself and have some fun because this is what keeps you going and moving forward.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I actually really agree. I know I always seem to be in denial, but I really do think you are on to something and I should listen to you.
      Space is definitely needed, but it just hurts, because I still want to spend time with him. Gosh I am so whiney :/ how do people do this?
      The obligation thing makes a lot of sense. I mean none of us will know if that is how he really feels, but it wouldn’t surprise me. I guess I am just confused, because he initiated the relationship in the first place, but perhaps he just got in over his head.
      I’m still not mad and I just want to understand, because I care about him so much.
      Thanks for all your advice; it really helps! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Of course you are in denial because admitting things will hurt even more. And that’s the last thing you need now, more pain. You are not whiney. It’s just there’s a hell of a lot of feelings involved which is a lot (sometimes too much) to deal with. However, if it hurts than so be it. There’s a song by Stone Sour called ‘Imperfect’ where it says: “I had to die to finally let you go”. Sometimes that’s true but afterwards you’ll definitely feel better (although it takes time). The distance will do you some good because you don’t need more salt in your wounds. Give things time to heal and then decide how things between you will go on.
        Unfortunately, you might never know how he feels but someday that will be okay. You will accept it and move on. Maybe he was in over his head, seeing a relationship but not whatever comes with it and men (sometimes) tend to panic when things get more serious.
        Could be that you’re not mad because you don’t understand. But at some point you might be mad which is totally okay. You might even hate him for awhile but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends after some time. But that’s what you need: time. For yourself, to figure things out.
        Anytime:) I’m glad I can help you:)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: In a Year’s Time… – A Precious Penny

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