Double Dipping


“I want to marry my best friend!”

Let’s back up. If you haven’t been reading my blog for long or don’t know me in person, then you may not know one crucial thing about me – I do not date for sport. That may sound a bit harsh and, no, I am not shaming my fellow females, but I was taught that dating is the prerequisite for marriage, so you should only date someone you could see yourself marrying. I know there are many arguments to this thought process and I would be glad to discuss it (and in another post, give my thoughts), but this is how I have chosen to live.

I could not even begin to count how many times I have said that I want to marry my best friend or heard someone else say their spouse is their best friend. For a long time, I never fully grasped what this meant, because I was terribly, terribly awkward around guys. I blame most of my behavior on what I was taught while growing up in church and taking these teachings to heart, but the point is that I didn’t really understand how to be friends with a boy. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I actually had a close male friend or a male friend that I didn’t have a crush on.

When I met Penguin back in October, I was intrigued by him because he wasn’t afraid to challenge my way of thinking. We were at a Bible Study and put into the same discussion group. I was fairly new to the study and it was his first time. We were given a verse to talk about and me, being in the throes of my depression, spat out this sad definition of what I thought this verse meant. At first, the members of the group let my words hang in the air not daring to mess with me, but then Penguin interrupted the silence and gave the most encouraging definition of what he thought the verse meant. I looked up and met his eyes – they seemed to be saying “I know where you are and you don’t have to be stuck there.”

Contrary to most stories, I wasn’t head over heels over him or chomping at the bit to spend time with him, I was just fascinated with the person that was willing to defy my way of thinking. Over time we were thrown together in different situations and I began to realize that I liked spending time with him and hearing what he had to say, although most of the time it took him awhile to spit his words out. It wasn’t until after New Years that we had even spent time together alone although we had really gotten to know each other through text and phone calls. I can’t even pinpoint when Penguin became my best friend, it happened so naturally, but gradually he became the person I told everything to, confided in, and counted on.

Penguin and I started dating at the beginning of March. We were spending practically every day together either eating, studying, talking, laughing… you name it. I believe I was in love with him before we started dating (gasp!) due to how he treated me, how I felt when I was around him, and his character as a person. Ever since then we do just about everything together and it is weird to go a day without seeing or talking to him. Some may say this is unhealthy, but I disagree. It is not as if I cannot go about my day without him or his influence nor do I not have any other friends that I spend time with, it is just that he is my person – boyfriend, best friend, both, or neither.

It has just come to my attention that some may find this odd or be irritated by it. I have a couple friends who treat me differently once they found out how close Penguin and I are. They seem less interested in spending time with me or talking to me or reaching out to me. This hurts a bit, especially because they have not actually addressed it, but the unspoken feeling is still there.

My question is this: Do you feel it is wrong for a boyfriend to double as a best friend? Why does it make people uncomfortable?


3 Words & 8 Letters


Three words. Eight letters. I Love You.

I find the phrase “I Love You” so fascinating! Have you ever actually thought about what this phrase means? Or better yet, what it means to you? Have you ever wondered about the expectations it carries around? Do you toy with the idea of saying it to someone? Do you think about saying it at all?

Before this year, I said “I Love You” to family members and various close friends, but now that I started thinking about it, I realized there were stipulations on those who heard these words from me. I said “I Love You” to my parents as a no-brainer, but I don’t regularly tell my brother that I love him even though I do. Why? I don’t know, but it could be that we do not have a mushy-gushy type of relationship. When it comes to my friends, select few get a “Love You” as I give them a hug goodbye when I know I won’t see them for awhile. I realized that since I cycle through friends so frequently, I don’t say “I Love You” very regularly to those friends I consider close; they have to earn it. Yet I tell my puppy I love her multiple times a day.

It seems as if some love is earned while some is automatic.

But saying “I Love You” comes with a tremendous amount of expectations when used in the romantic world. It is this idea that saying it is a big deal and it has to be the right moment with the right person. Some people think through all this while others just do or don’t, but never consciously think about it. Last year, I talked with Mitten (a boy-interest) every day all the time for about four months. I felt so connected to him, because he listened and talked to me. Yet I never said that I loved him. I dated Carrot for about three weeks or so back in January. I thought we really connected for about a week or two. Yet I never said that I loved him. I never thought about whether I loved them. I never thought about saying that I loved them to draw us closer or fix our relationship. I never thought about whether I should or was supposed to love them. It never crossed my mind. Was it because I knew they weren’t the ones for me? Was it because I didn’t really feel for them? Well I can tell you that I didn’t love either one of those boys and I think it was a good decision that I never made the mistake of using the phrase “I Love You” for any purpose or reason other than to express a feeling.

The first time I ever said “I Love You” to someone who was more than a friend or family was to Penguin. He is my best friend, has been since about December, and we started dating around March. He makes me smile and laugh and drives me absolutely crazy, but I have loved him since the beginning. I loved him because he did more than just try and get my attention; he really listened and understood me! He never made me feel inadequate or insecure. He challenged me and encouraged me. I could go on and on about why I love Penguin, but the thing is that I did not tell him I loved him right off the bat. Did I hold it in because I didn’t want to scare him off? Did I hold it in because I wanted to make sure he felt the same way? Truth is- I never thought about it, shockingly, I never over-analyzed it. One day, I just told him. Ya, I said “it” first and I wasn’t ashamed and it wasn’t weird.

The thing about Penguin and I is that although we have said that we love each other and we both know that love is in the air, we do not say we love each other every time we see each other. We don’t say it every time we say goodbye to each other. We don’t say it every time we call each other. I think what makes that phrase special to us, is that we don’t overuse it. “I Love You” is not a greeting or goodbye for us, it is a sincere feeling that we only say when we are truly feeling it. Yes, we say it when we are being serious and silly, but we never say it just because we know we should or are supposed to.

I think that is important. I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who think about when to say it and who to say it to, but I think you won’t have to when the time and the person is right!

College Frustration is Real


I have been in college for three years now and you would think that by now, my senior year, I would have figured out how to make the first few weeks run smoothly. Wrong!

The first few weeks of college are three of the most stressful weeks of the year between buying books, meeting professors, getting adjusted to school life again, and -oh ya- reminding yourself every day that college makes you broke. Textbooks are more expensive than necessary (like why does this book that doesn’t even have a cover cost over $100?), access codes are creations from the devil himself (like why is all your homework on a dysfunctional online platform?), and professors who have doctorates can’t figure out the technology they are required to use (like why are you allowed to teach?).

College is already hard due to the workload, money, and stress, so why does the industry and university feel the need to make everything over expensive and over complicated. The answer… because they can. And that reality really sucks.

I skipped my first class of the semester today, because the course is not major-related and I am only enrolled, because the university wants more of my money by requiring I take a natural science (aka the hardest ones out there) in order to be a well rounded technical communicator, my professor is not very good at teaching students who know nothing about the solar system, and setting up the online homework portion has been a living nightmare!

So far this semester, I am still waiting on a book that I ordered three weeks ago and -shocker- I need it for an assignment this weekend, I was sold the wrong access code for my solar system class and when I got the right one it is near impossible to log in, and my lab instructor for one of my most important classes is a fellow student who is apparently perfect at everything except teaching us how to use design programs… so here I am at the second week of my last year of college ready to pull out all of my hair.

They -as in The Man- should just do us poor, stressed students a favor and make this whole process a whole lot easier!

Show Review: The Vampire Diaries


I started watching The Vampire Diaries three years ago on a lonely night after moving to college where I had no friends and just needed a night of guilty pleasure television and cookies and cream ice cream. I remember the first couple seasons being really great with a storyline that actually made sense. The show is based on a book series (that I never read), but it was painfully obvious that they veered from the original storyline to make the show last longer.

And it worked… for awhile… seven seasons (so far), but I quit watching after season six, because it got an ending that I could live with. It was a pretty stupid ending, but they didn’t have too many options when the main character quits the show, but honestly they should have stopped while the show still had dignity.

Okay, so about the characters: for starters, the main female character Elena was the most annoying, whiney person ever! Obviously she had to fall in love with a pair of brothers which is extremely cliche, but both Stefan and Damon had potential. Stefan, the good boy, and Damon, the bad boy; I liked Damon better, but both of them had lots of skeletons in their closet. Bonnie and Caroline both had good moments and some really irritating moments, but they were good supporting characters and the same with Matt and Tyler.

So if you are in the mood for a far-fetched fantasy, guilty-pleasure storyline, and remarkably dull characters than pull up a seat! Honestly, I enjoyed the show in sections. I watched the first few seasons then took a year break, then watched the next season, took another year break, then finished it. Some episodes drag on, but others are pretty action packed. It is worth watching if the above mentioned is your thing, but don’t expect good writing or dynamic characters, just enjoy the ride!

6 Reasons My Dog is My Best Friend

Nine months ago, I made a spur-of-the-moment choice to get a puppy and it was the best decision ever!

Originally, I wanted an older dog that someone couldn’t keep anymore, but all of those options didn’t work out, so I ended up saying yes to a Craigslist ad about a Shepherd Puppy. Not knowing anything besides the fact she was some kind of shepherd, I set out to a town about an hour and a half away to buy this puppy.

I had been depressed for months and at times felt really hopeless. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed and felt no one cared if I did or not. I thought getting a puppy would help me feel more alive and give me more of a purpose. Luckily, Winnie was a handful of sugar and spice, so she kept me on my toes which helped me in so many ways!

I wanted to share with y’all some of the reasons Winnie is my best friend (because dogs are woman’s best friend!).

  1. Excitement. Winnie is always stoked to see me! It doesn’t matter if I have been gone for 10 minutes or 8 hours, Winnie is always a whimpering and wagging mess when I get home. She is crate trained, so when I come home and go to open her kennel, you would think that I never come back. I let her out and she immediately wants to give me a hug and sit in my lap. It is the best feeling ever knowing someone is waiting for you.
  2. Cuddles. Winnie is all about snuggling. She and I are very close and all about napping, so when it comes to chill out or go to sleep, Winnie is right next to me with her own pillow on the bed. She likes to lay right up against my body or face to face with me. Since she is just over 50 pounds, she is like having a human to hold on to at night.
  3. Attitude. Having a puppy is not having an easy-going friend who agrees with everything you say… it is the exact opposite. While some times you get along and she thinks I have the best ideas, most of the time is full of back-talk, whining, pushing boundaries, chewing, and the list goes on. Now Winnie has some serious sass, but I just think it is really cute and just adds to her character. What can I say, like mother like daughter.
  4. Facial Expressions. I am one of those people that believes my dog knows what I am saying and I am one of those people who gives my dog a voice. Well since Winnie has a mind of her own, she also has these crazy adorable facial expressions that remind me how much of an individual she is.
  5. Good Listener. Dogs are the best listeners! While sometimes they may interrupt you with a bark, because that sound they just heard is super urgent, but most of the time they just lay there and listen to you go on and on about your problems or what to wear. They rarely ever complain about how much you talk and complain. Winnie is even there to lay with me in my closet when I need a good cry. That girl is so dependable!
  6. Smiles. My pup has the most genuine smile! She wears it just about all the time and it melts my heart. Winnie is always willing to hang out with me or be lazy with me and she smiles her way through it! If I am ever in a bad mood, I just need to sit in a room with Winnie and her smile will light up my heart in an instant.

So there you have it… Dogs are the best way to give you responsibility and a reason to get up in the morning, then look no further than a new furry friend. While they do require some money, a little upkeep, and a lot of teaching, they really are just the best a keeping a smile on your face! ❤