Double Dipping

“I want to marry my best friend!”

Let’s back up. If you haven’t been reading my blog for long or don’t know me in person, then you may not know one crucial thing about me – I do not date for sport. That may sound a bit harsh and, no, I am not shaming my fellow females, but I was taught that dating is the prerequisite for marriage, so you should only date someone you could see yourself marrying. I know there are many arguments to this thought process and I would be glad to discuss it (and in another post, give my thoughts), but this is how I have chosen to live.

I could not even begin to count how many times I have said that I want to marry my best friend or heard someone else say their spouse is their best friend. For a long time, I never fully grasped what this meant, because I was terribly, terribly awkward around guys. I blame most of my behavior on what I was taught while growing up in church and taking these teachings to heart, but the point is that I didn’t really understand how to be friends with a boy. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I actually had a close male friend or a male friend that I didn’t have a crush on.

When I met Penguin back in October, I was intrigued by him because he wasn’t afraid to challenge my way of thinking. We were at a Bible Study and put into the same discussion group. I was fairly new to the study and it was his first time. We were given a verse to talk about and me, being in the throes of my depression, spat out this sad definition of what I thought this verse meant. At first, the members of the group let my words hang in the air not daring to mess with me, but then Penguin interrupted the silence and gave the most encouraging definition of what he thought the verse meant. I looked up and met his eyes – they seemed to be saying “I know where you are and you don’t have to be stuck there.”

Contrary to most stories, I wasn’t head over heels over him or chomping at the bit to spend time with him, I was just fascinated with the person that was willing to defy my way of thinking. Over time we were thrown together in different situations and I began to realize that I liked spending time with him and hearing what he had to say, although most of the time it took him awhile to spit his words out. It wasn’t until after New Years that we had even spent time together alone although we had really gotten to know each other through text and phone calls. I can’t even pinpoint when Penguin became my best friend, it happened so naturally, but gradually he became the person I told everything to, confided in, and counted on.

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Penguin and I started dating at the beginning of March. We were spending practically every day together either eating, studying, talking, laughing… you name it. I believe I was in love with him before we started dating (gasp!) due to how he treated me, how I felt when I was around him, and his character as a person. Ever since then we do just about everything together and it is weird to go a day without seeing or talking to him. Some may say this is unhealthy, but I disagree. It is not as if I cannot go about my day without him or his influence nor do I not have any other friends that I spend time with, it is just that he is my person – boyfriend, best friend, both, or neither.

It has just come to my attention that some may find this odd or be irritated by it. I have a couple friends who treat me differently once they found out how close Penguin and I are. They seem less interested in spending time with me or talking to me or reaching out to me. This hurts a bit, especially because they have not actually addressed it, but the unspoken feeling is still there.

My question is this: Do you feel it is wrong for a boyfriend to double as a best friend? Why does it make people uncomfortable?