Double Dipping


“I want to marry my best friend!”

Let’s back up. If you haven’t been reading my blog for long or don’t know me in person, then you may not know one crucial thing about me – I do not date for sport. That may sound a bit harsh and, no, I am not shaming my fellow females, but I was taught that dating is the prerequisite for marriage, so you should only date someone you could see yourself marrying. I know there are many arguments to this thought process and I would be glad to discuss it (and in another post, give my thoughts), but this is how I have chosen to live.

I could not even begin to count how many times I have said that I want to marry my best friend or heard someone else say their spouse is their best friend. For a long time, I never fully grasped what this meant, because I was terribly, terribly awkward around guys. I blame most of my behavior on what I was taught while growing up in church and taking these teachings to heart, but the point is that I didn’t really understand how to be friends with a boy. It wasn’t until my sophomore year of college that I actually had a close male friend or a male friend that I didn’t have a crush on.

When I met Penguin back in October, I was intrigued by him because he wasn’t afraid to challenge my way of thinking. We were at a Bible Study and put into the same discussion group. I was fairly new to the study and it was his first time. We were given a verse to talk about and me, being in the throes of my depression, spat out this sad definition of what I thought this verse meant. At first, the members of the group let my words hang in the air not daring to mess with me, but then Penguin interrupted the silence and gave the most encouraging definition of what he thought the verse meant. I looked up and met his eyes – they seemed to be saying “I know where you are and you don’t have to be stuck there.”

Contrary to most stories, I wasn’t head over heels over him or chomping at the bit to spend time with him, I was just fascinated with the person that was willing to defy my way of thinking. Over time we were thrown together in different situations and I began to realize that I liked spending time with him and hearing what he had to say, although most of the time it took him awhile to spit his words out. It wasn’t until after New Years that we had even spent time together alone although we had really gotten to know each other through text and phone calls. I can’t even pinpoint when Penguin became my best friend, it happened so naturally, but gradually he became the person I told everything to, confided in, and counted on.

Penguin and I started dating at the beginning of March. We were spending practically every day together either eating, studying, talking, laughing… you name it. I believe I was in love with him before we started dating (gasp!) due to how he treated me, how I felt when I was around him, and his character as a person. Ever since then we do just about everything together and it is weird to go a day without seeing or talking to him. Some may say this is unhealthy, but I disagree. It is not as if I cannot go about my day without him or his influence nor do I not have any other friends that I spend time with, it is just that he is my person – boyfriend, best friend, both, or neither.

It has just come to my attention that some may find this odd or be irritated by it. I have a couple friends who treat me differently once they found out how close Penguin and I are. They seem less interested in spending time with me or talking to me or reaching out to me. This hurts a bit, especially because they have not actually addressed it, but the unspoken feeling is still there.

My question is this: Do you feel it is wrong for a boyfriend to double as a best friend? Why does it make people uncomfortable?


6 Reasons My Dog is My Best Friend

Nine months ago, I made a spur-of-the-moment choice to get a puppy and it was the best decision ever!

Originally, I wanted an older dog that someone couldn’t keep anymore, but all of those options didn’t work out, so I ended up saying yes to a Craigslist ad about a Shepherd Puppy. Not knowing anything besides the fact she was some kind of shepherd, I set out to a town about an hour and a half away to buy this puppy.

I had been depressed for months and at times felt really hopeless. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed and felt no one cared if I did or not. I thought getting a puppy would help me feel more alive and give me more of a purpose. Luckily, Winnie was a handful of sugar and spice, so she kept me on my toes which helped me in so many ways!

I wanted to share with y’all some of the reasons Winnie is my best friend (because dogs are woman’s best friend!).

  1. Excitement. Winnie is always stoked to see me! It doesn’t matter if I have been gone for 10 minutes or 8 hours, Winnie is always a whimpering and wagging mess when I get home. She is crate trained, so when I come home and go to open her kennel, you would think that I never come back. I let her out and she immediately wants to give me a hug and sit in my lap. It is the best feeling ever knowing someone is waiting for you.
  2. Cuddles. Winnie is all about snuggling. She and I are very close and all about napping, so when it comes to chill out or go to sleep, Winnie is right next to me with her own pillow on the bed. She likes to lay right up against my body or face to face with me. Since she is just over 50 pounds, she is like having a human to hold on to at night.
  3. Attitude. Having a puppy is not having an easy-going friend who agrees with everything you say… it is the exact opposite. While some times you get along and she thinks I have the best ideas, most of the time is full of back-talk, whining, pushing boundaries, chewing, and the list goes on. Now Winnie has some serious sass, but I just think it is really cute and just adds to her character. What can I say, like mother like daughter.
  4. Facial Expressions. I am one of those people that believes my dog knows what I am saying and I am one of those people who gives my dog a voice. Well since Winnie has a mind of her own, she also has these crazy adorable facial expressions that remind me how much of an individual she is.
  5. Good Listener. Dogs are the best listeners! While sometimes they may interrupt you with a bark, because that sound they just heard is super urgent, but most of the time they just lay there and listen to you go on and on about your problems or what to wear. They rarely ever complain about how much you talk and complain. Winnie is even there to lay with me in my closet when I need a good cry. That girl is so dependable!
  6. Smiles. My pup has the most genuine smile! She wears it just about all the time and it melts my heart. Winnie is always willing to hang out with me or be lazy with me and she smiles her way through it! If I am ever in a bad mood, I just need to sit in a room with Winnie and her smile will light up my heart in an instant.

So there you have it… Dogs are the best way to give you responsibility and a reason to get up in the morning, then look no further than a new furry friend. While they do require some money, a little upkeep, and a lot of teaching, they really are just the best a keeping a smile on your face! ❤

Heart to Heart

P&L 4.17.15 (1)

So Elephant and I are riding this roller-coaster called friendship and it has recently been taking some rapid turns, plunging dips, and maybe a loop or two. I am super sensitive and an over-analyzer, so when things start to change, well, I freak out!

Towards the end of last school year, Pay had made a few new friends who like to do things that I don’t. I didn’t think much of it, because I still knew wholeheartedly that I was her number one. Well over the summer she didn’t have me, because I had to go back home, so she started hanging out with them more and more. I didn’t even realize this until I came back to school and it was like we were just acquaintances. So of course I freaked out and had a meltdown about being replaced.

In the past few days I had calmed down about it and merely accepted what it was. Eventually things would work out or they wouldn’t. Luckily, things turned around rather quicker than I could have hoped. Yesterday, Elephant called me, but I was at work, so I couldn’t answer, but I sent her a text anyway. She responded saying she needed me. My heart and stomach literally did a flip flop. Maybe our friendship wasn’t as lost as I had thought. We conversed for a little while and she said she really needed to talk to me, because something had happened. So after work we met up, grabbed dinner, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Her emergency was that she wants to break up with her boyfriend of six years. She hasn’t felt it was the right fit for awhile, but she just isn’t sure what to do or how to go about it, but she, in a drunken state, practically cheated on her boyfriend a few nights ago. She said she believes this is the last straw and that she wants to explore who she is without him. Of course, I encouraged her, because she doesn’t need to be stringing the poor guy along if she wants to explore herself and other guys. As she was telling me all of this, I realized we were right back to where we were and it was the best feeling ever.

We got to swap advice and stories and actually bond over some things. I got to really talk in depth about my guy and she got to tell me about the guy she likes and why. We discussed things that months ago I would not have been willing to talk about or been even ok with expressing. We are both in different places, but yet we are kind of at the same (it is hard to explain, but me being a virgin/never having been in a relationship before and her having always been in one, we are now at the same place, but not). This has really brought us closer and I was even able to explain to her how I was feeling about being replaced and we talked it out.

Although I know I need to learn to accept change, I will admit that it feels even better when minor change occurs, but in a better way than I could have hoped for. So I will continue to never give up on my friends!

❤ a girl

My Girl, Elephant.

best friendFriendship is a funny thing.

It’s funny, because there are so many levels to it, but there are also so many types of people. There are those people who can make friends with anyone. There are those people who can’t seem to make a friend to save their life. There are those people who call everyone their best friends, therefore the word loses it’s meaning. There are those people who have a gazillion acquaintances, but only a handful of friends.

I fall in line with those people who have a bunch of acquaintances, a few close friends, a best friend, and a soulmate.

My soulmate is my utter opposite. She is crazy, risky, and the life of the party. I can assure you I am not those things. We met when I got my job at the beginning of last school year. For months we were just coworkers who would exchange a hello or a smile, but then in November she slid her number to me and said I should call her sometime. It was so funny to me, because who does that; especially when you aren’t interested in that person. Well, now I realize that is just her personality. I added her number, but didn’t call her.

Next time we worked together she asked if I wanted to adopt an Angel Tree kid with her for Christmas. It was such an odd yet sweet thing for a broke college student who is barely your friend to ask, but I couldn’t turn her down. I didn’t have very many friends at school yet, so I figured what the heck. After work, we drove to the mall to adopt our child and shop for her. After spending all of five minutes at the mall with her, I realized that she was just as quirky as me and this friendship might have been meant to be.

Little by little she started opening up to me about her family, her relationship, and her background. There were so many differences, yet quite a few similarities. I thought it was so weird that she liked spending time with me, because at the time she was a proud Atheist and I was an open Christian. She is fashionable, I am simple. She is a party animal, I am in bed by 10 o’clock. Well none of that mattered to her. I was a person worth getting to know.

Although we have only been friends for about 8 months, I feel like I have known her my whole life. She stood by me while I began to question my faith. She encouraged me to try new things. She took me to my first party and watched over me as I drank for the first time. She has never once judged me.

Well now it is my turn. My soulmate has become a stripper. There are lots of things she does that I don’t approve of (and I am open about it), but this one is pretty darn close to the top of the list. I am not a supporter of this industry, but it is something she has always wanted to do. She likes it. She makes money. She doesn’t plan to do it forever. She stood by my side as I ventured out into unknown territory, so I will stand by her side as she does the same.

Our relationship continues to crack me up. She is a stripper with a long-term boyfriend; I am a virgin who has never had a boyfriend. She is a party animal who can’t take a shot; I have been to three parties and can do shots all night long. She is sure of herself; I question everything. But I would be lying if I didn’t say we make the best team when we are together full of honesty, laughter, and obnoxious singing!

To be cliche, she is my person in every way and I am so grateful for her, because everyone needs that one best friend!

❤ a girl

Another Name for Insecurity


I woke up this morning to a text. After reading this text, I think my skin turned a shade green.

Sloth has an internship at an airline this summer. She is a technology intern and has to wake up at the crack of dawn every weekday morning and come home really late; she is pretty much exhausted all the time, but is having “so much fun” there.

I know it does me no good to be jealous of her and her opportunity, but there are days when I can’t help it. As her best friend, she tells me about all the people she is meeting and how great they are, about what an awesome opportunity this is and how much she is learning, and about all the free flights to anywhere she gets to take.

Yep! That is what I am most jealous of… the free flights. I love to travel and I want to go to all these places, but never seem to be able to. Now she gets this internship and flies everywhere with all her new friends and then tells me all about how amazing they are. I know she isn’t doing it to be malicious, but sometimes I just want her to quit going to all the places I want to go or the places we discussed going together.

Her and I discussed visiting Charleston, South Carolina when we were obsessed with One Tree Hill, because that is the city that they filmed the show in. I thought we had plans to go there, but now that her flights are free and she has other friends whose flights are free, she has decided to go there with them. I don’t want her to miss out, but at the same time I want her to stop and remember and think maybe she should go somewhere that we weren’t planning to go.

What also sucks is how she and I were both interns at the Texas Rangers during our senior year of high school. To say it was an awful experience would be an understatement, but that had always been our thing. Now she just loves to tell me how much we got screwed over and how awesome this internship is. I am happy she finally has something to compare it to and I would be sad if she didn’t tell me about it, but sometimes I just don’t want to know.

Anyway I got a text today from her asking me to tell Deer that she wasn’t going to make it to her bridal shower on Saturday, because she is going to be in Chicago (again). After reading that this morning, I couldn’t help but sigh, because sometimes, for your friends, you need to make sacrifices and attend what you said you would. But she will bounce back and this is an amazing opportunity for her and I am proud of her… most of the time.

❤ a girl