I Ain’t Missing You At All

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Hello World!

It’s been too long. We all know my track record for being a steady writer is next to none, but today I write to you with no goals or plans, but just a simple need.

I always disappear for different reasons. Sometimes it is to prove to others that I am not a monster and can live and think without displaying it on here. Other times it is to show myself that I am not addicted to blogging. Occasionally it is just because life gets busy.

So often we do things to prove something, to make a statement, to be amazing, but what would happen if we just did something, because we wanted to with no ulterior motives. Today, I write to you with no ulterior motives. Today, I write to you with no promises of a future, no goals for likes or views, no plans to start writing regularly. Today, I write to you simply because I wanted to.

I would be lying if I said I don’t think about blogging or remember how it felt to thrive behind this screen. I would be lying if I didn’t admit how I miss the people, the free speech, and the anonymity. I would be lying if I didn’t dream of jumping back into all of it, but I would also be lying if I didn’t express the toll having this site took on me. I remember the heartache, the harsh words, the friendships lost, and the tears shed. I remember feeling all the weight come off my shoulders as I submitted a post and then feeling all the bricks weigh me back down as someone revealed how much they disagreed with me.

I think to myself about what this blog was supposed to be about. I try and recall why I originally created it. I wonder if I can bring it full circle and find that grand idea again. The truth is that I can’t give it up no matter how hard I try or don’t try, it sticks with me.

So thank you to everyone who has supported me, encouraged me, and/or challenged me. All my time spent here would have been nothing without you. I am so grateful to have met all of you! This is not goodbye my friends, just a sweet thank you from a dear friend. ❤

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Blogging Anniversary

A Precious Penny has officially made it to one year!! 

It’s crazy to think that I have been at this blogging thing for 365 days. I was in such a bad place when I started this blog to help myself realize my self-worth and to gain some confidence. I have met so many amazing people and made some great friends!

I am really glad that I decided to start attempting to express my feelings, because I have learned so much from this blog and the people who have braved talking to me. I appreciate it all so much and logging in and reading about your lives always makes me smile and reminds me that I am not alone!

Although I am still not exactly the person I have always hoped to be and I still have lots of growing to do in the self-confidence department, but I am in such a better place than I was last year on this day.

I love you all and I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store!

❤ Lauren

Return of The Girl

Coming Home - Edited

Let’s just disregard the last post I wrote over a month ago declaring that I was done with this site. Truth is: I am not.

A clean slate is what I thought I needed. A new space. But turns out that is not what I needed at all. I kept creating sites for different reasons whether that be documenting my progress or starting over. But this blog has a special place in my heart. My progress can be seen here and here is where I will continue to grow.

On my most recent site, I would try to write and nothing would come. I haven’t been proud of much that I have written on there and I kept thinking man if only I could post to A Precious Penny, and then I remembered that I could. The only thing stopping me… was me!

For some reason I felt that now that I am not depressed, I needed a new spot to express myself and that I needed to express myself in a way that would be accepting of those who know me, but I no longer feel that way. I just want to write about it all in whatever fashion I feel necessary.

When people ask me how I am doing I tell them that I am doing great; better than I have been in awhile. It is the truth and I want to share this side of me with all of you!

The Girl is back!

❤ Lauren

A Clean Slate Is What I Need.

I started blogging back in the fall of 2013 when I went off to college. It was scary moving to a new state and being seven hours away from everything familiar to me. Instead of having an amazing experience like most who leave for college, I grew very sad and lonely, so I threw myself into reading. I would read all the time, so I was making my way through more books than ever before and I so desperately wanted someone to discuss them with. This led to The Bittersweet Bookworm; my first blog ever. It started as a book blog and then morphed into a just all around review blog.

Eventually I grew bored of it, but for no reason in particular. So I brainstormed what I wanted to do differently. I thought using a pseudonym would be more fun, so Passionate for Paperbacks, my next blog strictly dedicated to books, was created. Sadly, I lost interest in this blog only after two months. Having a strict book blog is hard work!

Throughout the last couple years, I have created multiple blogs for different things, but they all end up being the same thing. There was Footprints of an Opinionated Ginger, Oh! It’s Lo., Books & Bliss, and Escaping the Raincloud. But for some reason I am never satisfied.

This past February I was going through a hard time and really changing, so one night I just needed to vent to someone who didn’t know me personally, so Just a Precious Penny was born. I loved it and it has been my outlet ever since. I started out anonymous, but little by little I opened up by posting photos of myself and adding my name at some points. I was able to express myself without feeling judged. I wrote about my wavering faith, my friendships, my “making mistakes on purpose” phase, my fears, my insecurities, and my confusing relationship.

I have made some amazing friends through this blog and have grown so much. Through your support and encouragement, I no longer feel like the only person in the world who has these thoughts, feelings, and fears. BUT this blog is secret from my friends, family, and anyone who actually knows me in real life. I so desperately want to express my feelings with no shame to the people in my life, but there are posts on here that I don’t want them to see, but I also don’t want to delete them, because what I wrote on here was true and raw and a tribute to what I was feeling. In the past few months so much of this blog was dedicated to a certain someone I no longer want to think about, to my frustration, sadness, and confusion in relation to this situation. As silly as it sounds, I associate this space with that, so I am finding it hard to grow in my writing, because it is such a reminder.

I want a place that is all mine for growth, venting, truth, excitement, thoughts, feelings, opinions, creativity, and recollection. 

So (yep, you guessed it lol!) I have created a new space for all of the above mentioned. It will be a blank space, clean slate, new canvas. I can start over. This new space won’t have any ties to the negativity that has bogged me down for so long. I want to begin again with a new mentality!

I don’t want to leave y’all behind, because I appreciate y’all so incredibly much and I love getting to know you, so I am going to continue to follow your journeys. If you can forgive me for all of the new blogs I create and leave, I would like very much to continue growing with you in my new space.


 

Beautifully Bowman is where I will be expressing myself publicly to my fellow bloggers, friends, family, and all people who know me. It will be a challenge and an adventure to convey my feelings and thoughts with confidence and without shame, but I am excited to begin!

I, Lauren Bowman, have been the girl identifying with each and every one of you. I started out as a girl struggling with self-love, self-confidence, and self-worth; I am still a girl who struggles, but I want to be a girl who struggles openly and confidently. I am a girl who can proudly say she isn’t perfect, but also that I don’t need to be. I am beautiful and strong with flaws, fears, and weaknesses that do not define me!

So I cannot wait to keep growing with y’all in my space that has yet to be tainted.

Anonymity

anonymity

The whole point of creating this particular blog was to have a safe place to vent my thoughts, views, and feelings in an anonymous way. Some would say it is a cowardly to hid behind anonymity, but I say it is just a way to be more open.

For the first couple months of having this blog, I didn’t post a picture of myself. I didn’t want anyone to know who I was [just in case], but then I added one, because I wanted people to have a face to go with my words. I wanted to take credit in a way.

This blog holds thoughts and feelings that belong to me. This blog holds information that I haven’t told anyone that I actually know. This blog holds me together sometimes. This blog holds the people that remind me that I am not alone. This blog holds so much more than just posts from a ranting twenty-something.

Well, today, one of my family members found my blog. I felt defeated, like I can’t do or say or feel anything without someone who actually knows me finding out. Now I am a bit fearful. I am frustrated, because I am so proud of my blog and of all the ways I was able to open up, but now I feel closed off, because I don’t want someone who knows me to go rifling through my inner thoughts. To share what they find with others who are close to me.

I just feel like it is obvious that this blog is supposed to be anonymous and they took that away from me. I don’t even post my name. If I wanted this blog to be read by people who know me, then I would post it to Facebook and Instagram, but I don’t.

I don’t want to have to delete this blog, because I love the stories and thoughts and feelings that I have shared, but I love the people that I have encountered as well. But now I don’t know what to do, because the whole point was based on anonymity.

❤ a girl