Heart to Heart

P&L 4.17.15 (1)

So Elephant and I are riding this roller-coaster called friendship and it has recently been taking some rapid turns, plunging dips, and maybe a loop or two. I am super sensitive and an over-analyzer, so when things start to change, well, I freak out!

Towards the end of last school year, Pay had made a few new friends who like to do things that I don’t. I didn’t think much of it, because I still knew wholeheartedly that I was her number one. Well over the summer she didn’t have me, because I had to go back home, so she started hanging out with them more and more. I didn’t even realize this until I came back to school and it was like we were just acquaintances. So of course I freaked out and had a meltdown about being replaced.

In the past few days I had calmed down about it and merely accepted what it was. Eventually things would work out or they wouldn’t. Luckily, things turned around rather quicker than I could have hoped. Yesterday, Elephant called me, but I was at work, so I couldn’t answer, but I sent her a text anyway. She responded saying she needed me. My heart and stomach literally did a flip flop. Maybe our friendship wasn’t as lost as I had thought. We conversed for a little while and she said she really needed to talk to me, because something had happened. So after work we met up, grabbed dinner, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Her emergency was that she wants to break up with her boyfriend of six years. She hasn’t felt it was the right fit for awhile, but she just isn’t sure what to do or how to go about it, but she, in a drunken state, practically cheated on her boyfriend a few nights ago. She said she believes this is the last straw and that she wants to explore who she is without him. Of course, I encouraged her, because she doesn’t need to be stringing the poor guy along if she wants to explore herself and other guys. As she was telling me all of this, I realized we were right back to where we were and it was the best feeling ever.

We got to swap advice and stories and actually bond over some things. I got to really talk in depth about my guy and she got to tell me about the guy she likes and why. We discussed things that months ago I would not have been willing to talk about or been even ok with expressing. We are both in different places, but yet we are kind of at the same (it is hard to explain, but me being a virgin/never having been in a relationship before and her having always been in one, we are now at the same place, but not). This has really brought us closer and I was even able to explain to her how I was feeling about being replaced and we talked it out.

Although I know I need to learn to accept change, I will admit that it feels even better when minor change occurs, but in a better way than I could have hoped for. So I will continue to never give up on my friends!

❤ a girl

Being Something is Better than Nothing

friendship 1I have a few friends that I talk about on here a lot. One of them being Elephant. Well last week I got this overwhelming feeling that she had replaced me over the summer with this other girl who was, for lack of a better term, cooler than me.

Friendship is a really sensitive subject for me, because I feel like my friends come and go way to quickly and I want to be more than just anyone to people. Well Payton and I were inseparable practically all of last semester and it was wonderful and I have some absolutely fantastic memories! But so far this semester has been very different and it has been a hard adjustment.

This past weekend Elephant’s boyfriend got into a car accident that messed up her car big time and so she was stranded at his place. She contacted me and told me all about it and then asked me if I wouldn’t mind giving her and her puppy a ride back to her place. This may sound like she was using me, but to me it felt like I was her friend again. That she hadn’t forgot that I would be there for her in a heartbeat.

Maybe getting to where we were last semester will just take time or maybe it is just not meant to be. But honestly I would rather be the reliable friend than the friend she calls up just for a good time. I want to be that friend that is there no matter what and that even if we aren’t as close anymore, if something huge happens in three years she will still call me to tell me the news or for help.

That may sound ridiculous, but it is how I feel. I don’t want to be just a mediocre friend, I want to be a forever friend. God, I am so incredibly cheesy. 🙂 So from now on if anything like this happens, I am going to try and not take it to heart, but instead work at creating what I want it to be.

❤ a girl

My Girl, Elephant.

best friendFriendship is a funny thing.

It’s funny, because there are so many levels to it, but there are also so many types of people. There are those people who can make friends with anyone. There are those people who can’t seem to make a friend to save their life. There are those people who call everyone their best friends, therefore the word loses it’s meaning. There are those people who have a gazillion acquaintances, but only a handful of friends.

I fall in line with those people who have a bunch of acquaintances, a few close friends, a best friend, and a soulmate.

My soulmate is my utter opposite. She is crazy, risky, and the life of the party. I can assure you I am not those things. We met when I got my job at the beginning of last school year. For months we were just coworkers who would exchange a hello or a smile, but then in November she slid her number to me and said I should call her sometime. It was so funny to me, because who does that; especially when you aren’t interested in that person. Well, now I realize that is just her personality. I added her number, but didn’t call her.

Next time we worked together she asked if I wanted to adopt an Angel Tree kid with her for Christmas. It was such an odd yet sweet thing for a broke college student who is barely your friend to ask, but I couldn’t turn her down. I didn’t have very many friends at school yet, so I figured what the heck. After work, we drove to the mall to adopt our child and shop for her. After spending all of five minutes at the mall with her, I realized that she was just as quirky as me and this friendship might have been meant to be.

Little by little she started opening up to me about her family, her relationship, and her background. There were so many differences, yet quite a few similarities. I thought it was so weird that she liked spending time with me, because at the time she was a proud Atheist and I was an open Christian. She is fashionable, I am simple. She is a party animal, I am in bed by 10 o’clock. Well none of that mattered to her. I was a person worth getting to know.

Although we have only been friends for about 8 months, I feel like I have known her my whole life. She stood by me while I began to question my faith. She encouraged me to try new things. She took me to my first party and watched over me as I drank for the first time. She has never once judged me.

Well now it is my turn. My soulmate has become a stripper. There are lots of things she does that I don’t approve of (and I am open about it), but this one is pretty darn close to the top of the list. I am not a supporter of this industry, but it is something she has always wanted to do. She likes it. She makes money. She doesn’t plan to do it forever. She stood by my side as I ventured out into unknown territory, so I will stand by her side as she does the same.

Our relationship continues to crack me up. She is a stripper with a long-term boyfriend; I am a virgin who has never had a boyfriend. She is a party animal who can’t take a shot; I have been to three parties and can do shots all night long. She is sure of herself; I question everything. But I would be lying if I didn’t say we make the best team when we are together full of honesty, laughter, and obnoxious singing!

To be cliche, she is my person in every way and I am so grateful for her, because everyone needs that one best friend!

❤ a girl

Farther

need-a-hug-fb-cover

Last night, I went farther than I ever have. That sounds really bad. But in comparison to what I usually do on the weekends, this is a true statement.

I have been experimenting with drinking. I think last night was my fifth night to ever drink in my entire life. I’ve only been to two parties (and the first one barely counts). Elephant invited me to a party yesterday, so me and a few friends went.

Normally, I drink in a controlled environment; like Elephant’s apartment. Well, last night at the party all they had was punch and beer. I can’t stomach beer, but there was no way I was making it through the night without something, so punch it was.

Parties aren’t really my thing. Or they used to not be my thing. I was standing there watching people mingle or play different games and I just kind of felt out-of-place, because that kind of setting doesn’t come naturally to me. So one cup of punch became two cups of punch which became three cups of punch. 

I wasn’t even feeling any different at first, but then the party changed venue and as we were walking to the other apartment, I began to feel it. The warmness in my legs and the giggles that came out of my mouth. We made it, but this other apartment has parties all the time. So it had dark lights and stuff that made it hard for me to see and stay alert.

By this point, I finally understood what it meant to feel numb. I was just standing in one spot by the couch, but my whole body felt heavy. I tried to lick my lips and I had to kind of bite them to remind myself that they were still there. I was already starting to be friendly, overly-sweet, and honest too.

A little while later this guy came up to me and started talking to me, so I was actually a little relieved to have the distraction, but then it progressed. He kept cupping my face, kissing my forehead, and telling me I looked cute. In the mental-state I was in, I didn’t really feel violated by any means, but today looking back, it was really weird.

I saw some of my friend’s go out onto the balcony, so I followed them needing some fresh air, but sure enough they went out there to smoke. I stood in the corner, because I liked the breeze on my face, but watching people get high was an odd thing for me to see. I didn’t participate, but I couldn’t believe how natural they were about it.

After they were drunk and high, we went back inside and they played a little beer pong, but I had to stand against the wall, because the punch had been gradually settling in and I was wobbly, tired, and fuzzy. People started to leave, so once they finished their game, we did too. Getting back to my friend’s apartment wasn’t hard, but then again it was, because walking was a difficult task at this point.

Once we made it, they decided to get high again (against my wishes and pleas), but they made me mac n’ cheese which I am still not sure was a good choice.

I learned this morning that the punch was a little over 60% vodka and the rest fruit punch (I think). So I almost had the equivalent of 6 shots of vodka last night. Besides a slight headache, I feel fine today, but I just can’t fathom that last night happened. I am not sure how to feel about it.

❤ a girl

I’m A Little [RUSTY] At Trying New Things

try new things 1Safe. Boring. Comfortable. Previously.

These words describe what I migrate toward. I am that person who sticks to things they know. I do not have too many adventurous bones in my body and trying new things sort of freaks me out.

When it comes to friends, I normally pick people who are like me… who think like me, kind of look like me, like the same things as me, share the same ideals as me; you get the picture. Well this past November, one of my coworkers slid their number to me and told me to text her sometime. I thought it was the quirkiest gesture, so I did. Her name was Elephant and she is now my best friend! The cool thing about her and I is that we are so alike, yet so different. Now that I know her, I never in a million years would have chosen her as a friend. I am so glad that we changed our unlikely friendship, because I haven’t laughed or felt more accepted in a long time!

P&L 4.17.15 (1)

P&L 4.24.15 (2)Being friends with her has really opened my horizons to giving new experiences and people a chance! I don’t think it is an accident that we “found each other”.

Tonight, we were supposed to go to Denton’s Arts and Jazz Festival, but it was rained out. We were walking around the square and decided that we were starving. I wanted to go somewhere we had already been to get something that I eat all the time. But instead, Elephant and her boyfriend convinced me to try Rusty Taco. I was skeptical at first, but once they got me in the door, I realized that it was fairly cheap. I got two Texican Tacos and a drink. I wasn’t blown away by any means, but they were pretty good.

Rusty Taco 3 Rusty Taco 1

I had to document my new experience. I don’t try new things often. And normally I’m not smiling by the end.

After tonight’s successful bout of trying new things, I am kind of excited to do it more often. I think I may make a list of cool eating places in Denton that I haven’t tried before.

Do you have any experiences trying new things? Good or bad.

❤ a girl