Let Voices Ring

Hello Friends!

We are in the year two thousand and seventeen. Have you ever just stopped and thought about that? Our world has existed for more than two thousand years… that’s a long time. It is crazy for me to think about how most of what makes the life we live possible is actually quite a recent discovery; cars, television, computers, cell phones. Technology is advancing so quickly and sometimes I just have to wonder if this fast growth is actually benefiting us?

Anywho, I know I am twenty days late, but happy new year. I haven’t been around, because I have been sorting out my life and my thoughts. I used to write in order to help me think, but due to some emotional stuff that happened with my writing, I gradually put it to the wayside, but I am desperate to start again. I have all these thoughts and words and ideas floating around in my head and am struggling to get them out.

In the past year (and even in the past – almost –  two years since I started this blog), so much has happened to me and at the same time it feels as if nothing has happened to me. I cannot wait to explore these feelings as I tell you about what has been going on with me.

There are going to be some repeat posts; my own work, but I wrote it for another blog I tried to get off the ground. For the past 8 months or so I have been trying to escape this site. By not writing, by not expressing myself the way I want, by trying to please others, I let these “others” tarnish the purity in how I view the writing I have done here. In my eyes, my thoughts and feelings on here are real and raw. Because others were unhappy with me about my writing, I thought if I just made this blog disappear I would be forgiven and everything would go back to normal the way it was. No such luck, but honestly I wouldn’t want it any other way. No matter how hard I wanted to destroy the words I have written here, I just couldn’t do it.

I am too proud to let others silence me.

So here I am, the year two thousand and seventeen and I have decided that my voice will be heard.

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No Longer

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Before July my life was simple.

Before July I was that girl who wished for someone to accept her as is and give her the time of day to express herself and show that she was special.

Before July I was that girl who was sad and depressed, because she felt lonely and like no one cared to get to know her.

Before July I was that girl who never did anything not expected of her.

Before July I was that girl who played it safe by never taking any risks or chances.

July.

Because of July I felt accepted, appreciated, and cherished.

Because of July I stepped out of my comfort zone, tried new things, and was open to different perspectives.

Because of July I was sappy, smiley, and chatty.

Because of July I was able to unleash a part of myself I never felt comfortable with.

Because of July I let myself be vulnerable, be hurt.


Before January I was that girl who had never been in a relationship.

Before January I was that girl who was always single and was never pursued.

Before January I was that girl who was afraid of being touched, of letting people get close, of intimacy.

Before January I was that girl who had never kissed, cuddled, or slept over.

Before January I was cautious yet hopeful.

January.

Because of January I felt special, wanted, and attractive.

Because of January I have now kissed, cuddled, and slept over.

Because of January I can no longer identify with the girl who has never been in a relationship.

Because of January my view of love and relationships is skewed and altered.

Because of January I am confused, hurt, and cynical.


Before February I was that girl who was just best friends with a guy.

Before February I was that girl who was lost, confused, and hurt; obsessing over what happened and what went wrong.

Before February I was that girl who would have frowned upon what I am feeling now.

Before February I was that girl who knew what she wanted and would have stood up for it.

February.

Because of February my feelings are all out of whack.

Because of February I am questioning everything.

Because of February I am not sure where I stand in this thing we call friendship.

Because of February I feel I have to contemplate labels and what they mean to me.

Because of February I keep asking what I want, what I feel, and what I think.


Truth is: I just don’t know.

You Should Always Feel Like A Somebody

Everybody is a Somebody

Have you ever been with another person or a group of people and felt invisible or inferior? This happens to me a lot, but at the same time I know I am guilty of making others feel this way. It is a bully complex- making those around you feel like nothing in order to make yourself feel like something.

It makes me sad to think that I behave this way, because I am insecure with who I am. Lately, I have been learning about real, genuine friendship. I have been having to accept that people cannot be everything you need or want, but they also cannot fill the places where you feel empty. If I don’t want people expecting me to be perfect and put together then I can’t expect that from them.

One thing I have realized is that I have the power to be an amazing friend. Through experiencing so much true friendship in the past few weeks, I feel so loved and accepted for the reasons that make me, me! I have decided that I want to make everyone feel like that, because everyone deserves to feel like that!

I feel that I possess so many qualities that I can funnel into being a person who makes everyone feel important, because they should know that they matter. Whether that is just giving someone the time of day, smiling at a stranger, or giving a friend some tough love. I don’t want to sugar-coat my relationships anymore; life is just too dang short.

So it doesn’t matter if you have hurt me in the past or we have gone our separate ways or we are growing apart… whatever the situation, I don’t care. I am over holding all of these negative feelings against each other. I’m not perfect. They aren’t perfect. I want to spend time getting to know people and really, genuinely caring about them. I want them to know I am there for them no matter what (and mean it!).

Here’s to cultivating good, deep, genuine friendships!

❤ Lauren

Friends For Sure

So the wait is over… Carrot and I are officially for the time being friends.

I won’t lie. I was really hoping that he would choose option 1. But I am surprisingly okay with him wanting to be friends. Don’t get me wrong: I still really like him and care about him so much, but I am willing to take a step back and just show him how much I care through friendship.

I was pretty upset at first, because I felt that I was (again) not good enough to make sacrifices for, but then I started thinking maybe taking a step back from me while he figures out his thoughts and stress is the sacrifice.

I have no hard feelings towards him. I don’t hate him nor am I mad at him. I honestly believe he is trying to do the right thing. I have not lost all hope that we are over forever.

Now we have to figure out how friendship actually works. I have been trying, but he hasn’t really been responding, so now I am kind of stuck. I refuse to give up, but this will definitely be a learning experience.

❤ Lauren

I Have No Default Feeling

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Sassy. Sweet. Sarcastic. Sad. Spazzy. Shocked. Energetic. Awkward. Quiet. Loud. Joyful. Talkative. Angry. Unsure. Irritated. Prissy. Happy. Depressed.

I do not believe that people have set characteristics or a default setting. I don’t think there are happy people and sad people. I think that we get to choose how we feel. I think we get to choose how we let the situations life throws our way affects and changes us.

Everyone has different sides that show at different times. There are some people who know me as the loudest, spazziest, most outspoken person they have ever encountered, yet there are some people who have never heard me say a word and witness me trip over my own feet.

I have certain friends who get the privilege of hearing my rants, others who only hear about the good moments, and those really special ones who get to enjoy both. Some people have never heard me raise my voice where others have endured my angry wrath. Sometimes I let loose, but most of the time I clam up.

Just call me queen of the eye-roll, master of car concerts, never-miss-a-beat opinion giver, and administer of the silent treatment. I am not one thing, but multiple things and I believe that everyone is this way.

So be sure to think twice before jumping to conclusions when someone is acting different… We cannot expect someone to be the same at all times in all situations. I change. You change. They change. This makes us people.

❤ a girl