Dear You,

Dear You,

I know. I know about most of it. I know it is extremely hard. I know you aren’t being treated right. I know you are hurting. I know you want to come home.

But I also know that you are the strongest person I know. I know you have gotten through tough situations before. I know you have so many people thinking and rooting for you. I know people believe in you. I know you are not alone. I know your mom is crazy proud of you. I know I am too!

You still mean so much to me. I think about you all the time and I worry about you constantly even though you don’t want me to. I believe in you and I know you will make it back!! I refuse to give up on you and my feelings about you haven’t changed!

I wish I knew what to say, but for the first time I am at a loss for words. I just want to be an encouragement to you. Be safe and remember who you are.

❤ a girl

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When My Heart Wants To Break

strength

Sometimes you just want answers, but sometimes what you get is a mix of good and bad news.

Ever since my guy left, I have been in dire need of some communication and some explanations. I was in this constant state of confusion and frustration. There was no anger. There were no thoughts of giving up. I just felt like I needed to know more. Well, I finally got my wish…

His mom and I messaged back and forth earlier. I was so excited that she was being so kind to me and had offered to give me more information on how my guy was doing… I thought maybe I would finally be set straight and my mind could take a rest.

With that being said, what I heard was not at all what I expected nor what I wanted. It wasn’t good news. It was actually horrible, awful, sickening news that has me all tore up in a whole new way. I can’t disclose what I was told, because it isn’t my news to share, but my heart wanted to break for my guy, but I also want to be as strong as I can for him.

He is going through a rough time and not the rough time he had expected when he left all those weeks ago. Luckily, he is able to communicate with his mom and that is a good outlet to keep him positive and grounded. We are hoping that he will be back home by the end of October, but that may not happen, so I can’t get my hopes up. But she told him I was asking about him and she said he was really glad to hear that and appreciated it so much. This made my heart smile. She offered to relay to him anything I wanted to tell him. That is a grand offer, but now knowing what I know, I have no idea what I would say to him.

I am so proud of him just from knowing what I know. He is being so strong when it should be impossible. I am now wrestling with my seedling of faith that I have just rekindled, because I cannot understand why he (or anyone else) is going through this. I apologize for being fairly secretive, but I just don’t feel that it is my place tell…

Any thoughts, prayers, and good vibes you are willing to send in his direction, please by all means do so! I know it would mean a lot to him to know that others are supporting him and rooting for him!

❤ a girl

Heart to Heart

P&L 4.17.15 (1)

So Elephant and I are riding this roller-coaster called friendship and it has recently been taking some rapid turns, plunging dips, and maybe a loop or two. I am super sensitive and an over-analyzer, so when things start to change, well, I freak out!

Towards the end of last school year, Pay had made a few new friends who like to do things that I don’t. I didn’t think much of it, because I still knew wholeheartedly that I was her number one. Well over the summer she didn’t have me, because I had to go back home, so she started hanging out with them more and more. I didn’t even realize this until I came back to school and it was like we were just acquaintances. So of course I freaked out and had a meltdown about being replaced.

In the past few days I had calmed down about it and merely accepted what it was. Eventually things would work out or they wouldn’t. Luckily, things turned around rather quicker than I could have hoped. Yesterday, Elephant called me, but I was at work, so I couldn’t answer, but I sent her a text anyway. She responded saying she needed me. My heart and stomach literally did a flip flop. Maybe our friendship wasn’t as lost as I had thought. We conversed for a little while and she said she really needed to talk to me, because something had happened. So after work we met up, grabbed dinner, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Her emergency was that she wants to break up with her boyfriend of six years. She hasn’t felt it was the right fit for awhile, but she just isn’t sure what to do or how to go about it, but she, in a drunken state, practically cheated on her boyfriend a few nights ago. She said she believes this is the last straw and that she wants to explore who she is without him. Of course, I encouraged her, because she doesn’t need to be stringing the poor guy along if she wants to explore herself and other guys. As she was telling me all of this, I realized we were right back to where we were and it was the best feeling ever.

We got to swap advice and stories and actually bond over some things. I got to really talk in depth about my guy and she got to tell me about the guy she likes and why. We discussed things that months ago I would not have been willing to talk about or been even ok with expressing. We are both in different places, but yet we are kind of at the same (it is hard to explain, but me being a virgin/never having been in a relationship before and her having always been in one, we are now at the same place, but not). This has really brought us closer and I was even able to explain to her how I was feeling about being replaced and we talked it out.

Although I know I need to learn to accept change, I will admit that it feels even better when minor change occurs, but in a better way than I could have hoped for. So I will continue to never give up on my friends!

❤ a girl