Don’t most of these stories start like that? Well there is this guy, but this story isn’t about him. It’s about me.
There is this guy and I may have a crush on him, but if you knew the situation, you might say that I am ridiculous. But I can’t help it. He makes me laugh and smile and blush. Those are all good things, but I have never been the kind of girl that bases what she thinks about herself on what a guy thinks.
Well tonight I did something extremely out of character for me. I went out on a limb and for a second I regretted it.
Yesterday, we were having a disagreement about whether my day outfit was cuter than my pjs. He told me that he thought girls were much more attractive when they were comfortable; like wearing a big t-shirt with their hair in a ponytail. It just so happened that my pjs consisted of a big t-shirt and my hair was in a ponytail.
I may have mentioned that I just happened to be wearing that and he said he wouldn’t mind a picture. Well, of course, I said no. He wasn’t pushy about it by any means, but now that I look back I don’t understand why I was so reluctant. I was clothed and I was looking cute. Why did I think this was a big deal?
We talked all day today; I was in a better mood and feeling a bit flirty (even though I honestly have no idea how to flirt, which could be a problem), so as I changed into my pjs, I may have examined myself in the mirror. I was clothed and cute and maybe wanted a compliment.
As I have said before, I don’t do well with accepting compliments, but that doesn’t mean I don’t crave them. I figured it would be a win for both of us. So, I took the picture. After minutes of deliberation, I decided to send it. I am not sure what kind of reaction I was hoping for. Obviously, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I still freaked out when what I was hoping for came true.
He liked it. He said some sweet things. It’s what I wanted, right? I stared at the text and then myself and I started doing what I always do when someone compliments me. I disregard it, because how could they possibly think that… they have to say those things to be nice and not hurt my feelings.
Seriously? What is wrong with me? The guy thinks I am cute. No big deal. Say thank you and let it go. I started this. I asked for it in the first place.
I appreciated the compliment. It made my cheeks burn. It caused butterflies in my stomach. Maybe the reason I want compliments is because I am human, but I don’t like to accept them, because I don’t want to feel like I care about what others think.
So what I need to do is find that balance!
❤ a girl