I have never been so excited to welcome November, but here I am waiting with open arms. This month is all about letting go, moving on, and gaining a brighter focus. I have been bogged down by what-ifs for too long and I am ready to wash them away.
“It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts worse to hold on.”
For awhile now I have been replaying fears and failures in my mind. It’s funny how the things you wish could go in one ear and out the other somehow seem to get stuck in the middle. Embracing the fact that I cannot be perfect is something that I have been really working at. Some days I think I can conquer the world and others I don’t think I can manage to make it down the stairs, but I am tired of letting perfectionism and insecurity rule my mind. Starting now, I am going to be proactive in helping make all aspects of my life healthy and happy.
“I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.”
I have realized that I feel better when I am not thinking about the person I thought meant something to me. I have been hurt and confused by him for too long and I will no longer be a pawn. We have all read quotes about how if things are meant to me, they will be… it shouldn’t rip you apart. I never really believed or understood this until now. I used to always believe that all things take hard work, but now I realize there is a difference between a relationship that takes work (because they all do) and ones that leave you lost and in tears.
“You need to realize that he doesn’t care and you could be missing out on someone who does.”
That sounds harsh, but isn’t it the truth. Maybe he does care a little, but if he isn’t showing it then it’s basically the same thing. In the past couple days I have been reminded that I have options; that other guys find me cute and desirable. I haven’t always felt that way, but I don’t live in a box and there are plenty of cute, sweet guys out there who will treat me right and love me well.
“Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad.”
Believing in myself is not the easiest, but if I am constantly looking for approval in the eyes of others (friends or guys) then I won’t ever be satisfied in who I am. I need to learn how to be independent and comfortable in my own skin. When I was younger, I used to be so confident in who I was and didn’t care what anyone thought of me and I knew that the only people worth being in my life were the ones who accepted me for all my characteristics. Somewhere along the way I lost that confidence and I want to focus on finding it again.
I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel and I have recently begun to feel its warmth. There is hope for me– my attitude, my thoughts, my feelings, my future. I am not a dead-end; never was and never will be. I just have to keep trekking and keeping my head up high.
The past three days have been wonderful and I am going to make sure November is full of more days as great as those.
❤ a girl