Sometimes You Quit

Finding a Job

Ever since we are children, we are taught to never give up. We are taught to stick it out. We are taught to give it a chance. We are not taught to just ditch something when it gets hard, but what if that is the best thing for you?

When my internship ended, I needed another job, because I couldn’t support my fast food habits and keep my dog alive if I didn’t have any income. So not wanting another office job, I saw that a Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers was opening up in my town. I had never worked in fast food before, but I figured it would be a fast paced environment and the shifts would go by quickly. So I applied and got the job.

Well working here was not at all what I imagined. It was worse, much worse. It was like working for Nazis. First, when I applied I made clear that I couldn’t work shifts longer than 6 hours and I could not work more than 20 hours a week, because I am a full-time student. Well for starters, all my shifts were 8 hours or more and in the first week I was scheduled for 44 hours. This was insane due to my already stressful school-load. Second, they are constantly telling you you aren’t doing a good enough job; you are never fast enough, nice enough, busy enough. You try and go faster and accidentally spill food, they yell at you. You try and be nicer and accidentally forget to repeat part of the order due to conversation with the customer, they yell at you. You take a breather after a long line, they yell at you. Third, you never get there or leave when you are actually scheduled. You need to be 5 to 15 minutes early for your shift and you must stay until your PM replacement comes… multiple times I was there 30 to 45 minutes after I was scheduled which was already 2 hours past what I said I could work. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining and I even left in tears one night. Fourth, they do not allow you to take breaks. It is illegal not to give a lunch break with a shift 8 hours or more, yet when I asked for a break, because I was overwhelmed, I was told I could take 5 minutes.

I was just getting really sick of the working conditions and coming home crying or just exhausted for something that shouldn’t be that stressful. I brought up to my GM that I couldn’t keep working that many hours and he said he would work with me, which he did for one week, but then the next I was scheduled over 20 hours again with 8 hour plus shifts, so I was just over it. I have higher priorities than getting bullied trying to make it at a fast food restaurant. So I put in my two weeks last week, but never got an acknowledgement from management, so I decided I was just not going to go back. But don’t get me wrong, I still love their food.

Truthfully, I can be kind of a quitter, but I felt it was understandable in this situation. I just don’t believe in keeping yourself in negative situations just because you got yourself in the mess. If you can find an out in order to find something more suitable to you, then do it.

❤ Lauren

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When You Are Going Through Hell

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there
-Rodney Atkins

This is definitely one of those weeks I would classify as Hell Week. Not that anything in my personal life is going awry, because that is the best it has every been, but my school and work schedules are absolutely crazy!!

I end my internship tomorrow, so I had to get another job. Instead of looking for another office job, I decided to just work in food service for a little while. It’s fast and fun, so the time will go by pretty quickly and the hours should be good. Little did I know it was going to be so strenuous. I have orientation tonight for two hours and I have to leave my last class early to make it on time. Then I have training for five hours tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, and Monday. I am just not sure how I am going to have to do anything else.

I have a test on Friday, two projects to work on, research for an Italian presentation; not to mention all of my normal homework. Literally drowning. And to make matters worse, I have a little puppy at home that I am barely going to get to see. Wake her up, take her potty, feed her, take her potty, put her in her crate. :/ That makes me so sad, but I have to work in order to feed her. It should die down next week once I get a real work schedule that I get to choose. I am so grateful for my roommates and boyfriend who have been so great in helping me out!!

Wish me luck lovelies at surviving this crazy college life!!

❤ Lauren

Hot ‘N Cold

My emotions are a constant rollercoaster.

One day I am ready to forgive everyone and be the best damn person I can be. The next day I am losing my mind and crying entire lakes. The day after that I am radiating positivity and wanting to help everyone. The next day I am wallowing and feigning sickness to avoid life.

I literally just want to sleep and cry… occasionally eat. I don’t want to be with people yet being alone seems so scary. I’m being hurt by good friends and I feel like I am drowning with all my schoolwork. I loathe my internship, but feel guilty about it, because they are so nice to me. I just wish I could figure my life out.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my emotions off. I am always so high or so low; I desperately want to find an in-between! I feel like I am drowning and can’t keep my head above water. I need more time in the day!

I’ll keep paddling, but beware I am getting awfully tired.

❤ Lauren

Life in Limbo

life 2

Never giving up is a difficult thing for me. In some situations I never want to let things go, but in others I so easily throw in the towel. It is a weird thing how I decide which way a situation is going to go, but lately I have wanted to just back out and watch my life from the outside.

I am kind of tired of making choices for myself. This may sound strange, but figuring out the right path to take has got me so stressed out! And ya I get that I am in college and everyone “goes through this”, but I am a junior now and have to decide a permanent path or I will be in school forever. I wouldn’t mind exploring different classes and stuff if I was paying for it myself, but my parents and other contributors pay for my college, so I feel I need to be dedicated to something.

I don’t think I have ever talked about my college education past, but basically it goes like this– psychology major–> social work major–> public relations major–> technical communication major–> who the heck knows! Picking something to study has always been a challenge for me. Everything just seems so interesting and fun until I am actually in the class and then I am just regret it and wonder what I got myself into. Why is it so hard for me to choose something that I enjoy and feel like it is worth it?

Anyway, after recognizing my issues and going to counseling this morning, I kind of feel like that would be a great path for me. I tried social work in the past, but it was just not what I was expecting. I wanted to be a light in someone’s life and help people, but it was just a bit too much. Now, I feel like I want to work with younger people like teenagers and early 20’s, because I feel like in ways I can relate to them and help them, because what I am going through myself. I have also realized that I enjoy finding solutions to other people’s problems and watching them regain their happiness– it makes me feel better to know that others are feeling good. I know that this profession wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I think it would worth it.

So that leads to lots of questions… what do I major in? Where do I get my Masters? Would I be able to handle a profession such as this? What are my next steps?

Between dealing with my struggles, schoolwork, and figuring out my future, I am more than a little stressed out. I am working on remembering to just breathe.

❤ a girl

Red, White, & Oh No She Didn’t

american flagHappy Belated Birthday America!

Every 4th of July, my family goes down to Granbury, TX to visit my Granddad who lives out in the middle of nowhere out there. In the past, my mom’s brothers and sister and their kids come too and we cook out, go swimming, play badminton or catch, watch the parade. We would forget for a day that we really don’t get along besides the little snippets of irritation that can be seen if you are really watching.

Well it isn’t really like that anymore. My aunt’s daughter and her five children moved overseas last May. My youngest uncle passed away this past year. My other uncle didn’t want to deal with my aunt. My aunt brought other kids for her sons to hang out with. It was just a really weird dynamic.

There was lots of bickering and arguing and yelling and squealing. Confession: I don’t do well with change or conflict. I don’t like to get in the middle of anything, I’d rather watch from the sidelines. So when my aunt sends my mom to fetch what she needs to finish cooking and then starts ragging on her once she inside makes me feel uneasy. I felt like a horrible kid by just sitting nearby reading a book staying out of it, because getting between sisters can be dangerous.

The 4th of July is my favorite holiday. Not because of the food or family, but because of the fireworks. I had this hopeful feeling that once we broke out the fireworks the whole dynamic of the day would change. We would come together in awe, but sadly that didn’t happen. My aunt decided she was in charge of the fireworks and you had to get her permission before lighting anything.

Her micromanaging behavior really put a damper on our fun. Previously, we just have it all laid out in categories: small stuff and big stuff. We just run up, grab, and go. The kids would do all the little stuff first and then everyone would sit while my dad, brother, uncle, and I would run up light the big stuff and run like Hell to watch it ignite.

There is something about fireworks that never fails to remind me of how alive I am. I love that loud boom as it hits the sky and that slow crackle as it fades away. I can’t help but smile as I see the color explode in the sky. 

It wasn’t the ideal 4th of July that I always remembered, but there were other things about that night that made it wonderful.

❤ a girl