Today I had lunch with a friend whom I haven’t seen in a couple of months. I will admit that I was nervous about meeting with her. She is a friend that I met at the BSM (Baptist Student Ministry) here on campus. We were pretty close for awhile, but I have shared that I am not as into my faith as I used to be. I have chosen to take a step back and reevaluate what I believe and think is important and why. My friend is very self-assured and confident in her faith, who she is, and who she wants to be. She doesn’t sugar coat her want for everyone to believe what she does, so I wasn’t sure what I was walking into with this lunch.
I didn’t feel that I was avoiding her personally, but more avoiding what she stood for and the people that she surrounded herself with. [There were other friends I cut off as well in this search…] So I met up with her figuring it was just a ploy to get me to come back to the BSM, since I kind of quit cold turkey and never explained myself (which I still don’t feel like I have to). At first it was not exactly awkward, but really surface-level. We talked about school, the weather, how we were each doing. Blah blah blah…
But like I was expecting, she asked what I had been up to and why she hadn’t seen me around. I beat around the bush when she initially asked, not wanting to get the lecture that I expected her to give me. Well she kept prodding me and finally I gave in and started explaining the breakdown I had a few months ago and how my ideas and views had changed a bit. I was so anxious about telling her this that I literally destroyed the hair tie that I had around my wrist.
To my horror, she just kept nodding and told me that she completely understood where I was coming from and she was proud of me. What? I was really confused, because that is not the response I was expecting. But she was really cool about it and told me that she had thought this may be what I was dealing with and she was proud of me for trying to figure out my faith for myself. Although I wasn’t looking for her validation, because at the moment I am at a point where I don’t care what anybody thinks, but it was nice to just get a nod/smile instead of a lecture.
I left refreshed and agreed to hang out with her again. I finally felt like she was my friend rather than a parent, which was how I sometimes felt about her before. It was a nice exchange and I feel better after having talked to her about it. Sometimes acceptance, even when you aren’t looking for it, can really help.
❤ a girl