This is Goodbye

You’ve heard it all before…

If you have stuck with me for this long, you are probably rolling your eyes thinking about all the previous times I have called it quits on this blog. Well, bring your eyes back to the front, because today is the day I am finally going to let this blog be the past.

As you all know, I absolutely love writing honestly about the events of my life. I lost friends over these posts, but I have also found deeper parts of myself because of these posts. This blog has not only caused so much in my life, but also helped me through so much in life.

A Precious Penny began titled ‘Little Miss Unsure’. I started this blog as a lost, lonely, and depressed college student over two years ago. I needed an outlet for my abundance of thoughts… I felt that being an anonymous blogger was the perfect escape. I had created a book blog the year before and had a blast writing book reviews, but I needed a place to write my inner most thoughts, so Little Miss Unsure was born.

When I go back and reread my posts from when the blog first began my heart literally breaks. I’m not the same person I was back then… I’m married (I never would have thought in a million years that is where I would be!) and I’m a college graduate with a full-time job. A lot of my very real, yet irrational, fears were put to rest, because I conquered them!

I am so attached to this blog, because it is hard to give that girl I used to be up. I know she was me and I also know that she is still inside me. I still have irrational fears, I still get scared, I still have meltdowns, and I am still insecure. Even though I have persevered, I am still human. I never wanted to delete this blog, because it was all a person I used to know wanted… that person wanted to erase the chronicled hurt they caused me, that person wanted to erase the light that I had painted them in. That person wanted to move on with their lives knowing my words couldn’t haunt them. Newsflash: The way that person has continued to treat me will always haunt them. Whether I delete this blog or not, the words I have written here will always echo in the back of their mind. I hope that causes them to learn how to forgive those who have wronged them or hurt their feelings. I hope that causes them to give chances and to show love no matter what.

A Precious Penny will not be deleted today. Although I am going to leave it in the past, I refuse to erase my thoughts, feelings, and fears that I have chronicled here. It is a part of me and it helps show me how far I have come and all the things I have to be grateful for! I hope the words I have written here will help someone else feeling alone or struggling with depression. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

So, all of my faithful blogging friends and followers, I’m married now! I had a beautiful fairytale wedding where I got to become one with my best friend and now it is time for me to move on from A Precious Penny, but – never fear – I’m not done writing! Like many times before, I just want a fresh start. I don’t want to be bogged down with my history. If I want to reference how I used to feel then I will, but for now, I want to start from August 5th – the day I became a wife – and go from there. If you want to continue to keep up with my journey, you can at The Little Grey Wife.

You have all been wonderful and I appreciate all the encouragement and support I received here. Now onto my next phase of life! ❤

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Oh and here’s a picture of me and hubs from the wedding 🙂

Rather Donate Than Deal

To be able to say that you are used to being hurt is horrible. The fact that I can log into pinterest and search for quotes about being hurt and the abundance are about how often it happens and how we are used to it is awful. When did our society just accept this behavior and these feelings as normal? When did we stop trying to be better and treat people better? Now it just feels we are always trying to one-up our stories about how we were hurt or how we hurt someone else. It makes me sick.

My friend, you know the friend from Hell who was supposed to be my best friend, who ended our friendship and decided it was over wasn’t worth saving… ya well she struck again. Yesterday, after she told me we weren’t ever going to talk again, because she didn’t think we made good friends, she texted me that she wanted to meet up today to return a swimsuit that I had left at her house. I thought that was nice, so I agreed to meet her. She told me the time and place she would be where I could stop by. I couldn’t make it at that time due to work meetings, so she said she would text me when she was done apartment shopping and we could meet then.

So today rolled around and once my meetings were done I texted her that I was available to meet, so just send me the when and where. Over and hour had passed when she finally texted me back that she was already out of town. WTF! Why didn’t you text me you were leaving, so we could quickly exchange stuff? Why didn’t you reply sooner to give me time to meet you? Why? Why? Why?

My theory: She can’t face me. She thought she could, but when it really came down to it, she can’t.

I told her to donate the swimsuit. I am through dealing with her. She continuously, purposefully hurts me and I am done going through that over and over again.

Pretty, Pink, & Totally Sweet

As you all know I’m getting married in less than a month and all the festivities are in full swing! July has been the busiest month related to the wedding with something to do every weekend. This past weekend, my mom threw me a bridal shower and it was wonderful!

The theme was pink and she went all out. The shower wasn’t exactly a secret, so I went over early to help her set up. We were up until 3am cleaning, setting up, and creating decorations. We finally called it quits to get some sleep. Running only on four hours of sleep, we got the whole party up and running with the help of my bridesmaids and cousins.

A good mix of friends and family were in attendance. We played “Guess How Many Hershey Kisses”, “Movie Quote Quiz”, “What’s on the Apron,” and everyone brought a recipe to put in my recipe box. My mom also created a huge spread of brunch foods that were super delicious!

25 Days to Go! ❤

Another One Bites the Dust

It happened again. I have officially lost another best friend. Another person close to me has decided to give up on our friendship, to give up on me. The expiration date came quick this time. It was unexpected and it felt like a knife through my heart.

After the initial explosion back in February when my [now] ex-best friend told me all of her feelings and asked for some space, I gave it to her. I left her alone for months. Our relationship had dwindled down to likes on Facebook with nothing behind them, but I thought that was a step in the right direction. I kept up with her travels through Snapchat and prayed that I could do something right in order to mend our friendship.

Over these past four months of silence, I have had multiple meltdowns. Not being able to have my best friend as my maid of honor, a bridesmaid, or even involved in the wedding planning has been really hard. Before our “fight,” we talked about it all the time. She already had her toast written and her excitement just made me all the more excited. Well turns out she wasn’t excited about it, but actually frustrated with all the wedding talk, so I have been on the fence about inviting her. I was under the impression we would be friends again, so last night after my most recent breakdown, my fiance encouraged me to reach out to her.

Big Mistake! Turns out she never had any plans of us mending our friendship. All I asked was to grab dinner and talk about her travels, but she doesn’t see that happening, because she doesn’t think we make that great of friends. That was that. She just decided it was over. We do make great friends! We were best friends! I’m so sick and tired of people just giving up after one misunderstanding or mistake… of not even trying to work things out or forgive. It is so hurtful and heartbreaking.

So now I am back to where I always seem to be. Lonely. Hurt. Depressed. Friendless. My fiance has been my rock through all of this, but sometimes I don’t understand how he can be the only one who can be there for me no matter what and forgive me when mistakes are made. It just seems so hopeless.

Fifty-Two Cards in a Deck

To give you my favorite deck of cards is nothing compared to my heart.
-Jeremiah Grey

I had always dreamed of being in love, married, a wife. The way my life was going it seemed so far into the future, but then God intervened and placed this sweet, weird, handsome man in my path and in fifty-two days I get to marry him!

When I met Jeremiah, I was in no place to be in a relationship. I was depressed, sad, lonely, and just getting back in touch with God, but I was drawn to him and his quirky and different demeanor. It didn’t seem like he was very into me, but we kept getting paired together and I worked hard at trying to get noticed. Through time and unusual circumstances, Jeremiah and I began a journey to becoming the best of friends. Through simple statements turning into all-night deep conversations, I realized that being vulnerable and honest was easy with Jeremiah. We saw sides of each other we would normally hide, but it was refreshing to be so close to someone.

It’s incredible how much things can change over a summer. Jeremiah and I grew so close in those two months, but when the school year started up again everything was different including our church home. This was the place where we met filled with people we though we were friends with, but it just didn’t feel like home anymore and we decided not to go back. I don’t feel leaving was a mistake, but the time it took afterwards to find a new church home was detrimental to our walks with God. We were trying new churches at first, but then grew tired of endless disappointment and eventually stopped looking. Things were going so great for us and between us, the concern of finding a church home was no longer on our minds.

A little over a month ago we stumbled upon a church that was perfect for us, but while attending service on Sundays, I began to feel guilty and far from God. I knew that I needed Him and He would take me back, but didn’t know how to get there. Last night I confided in Jeremiah about how I had been feeling and Jeremiah looked at my tear stained face and told me he had been feeling the same. Together we prayed to ask God to be the center of our relationship and to help us grow together, but toward Him. We want to cultivate a strong Christ-centered marriage. Jeremiah and I know it won’t be easy, but we accept the challenge and responsibility of getting ourselves right with God!