Before July my life was simple.
Before July I was that girl who wished for someone to accept her as is and give her the time of day to express herself and show that she was special.
Before July I was that girl who was sad and depressed, because she felt lonely and like no one cared to get to know her.
Before July I was that girl who never did anything not expected of her.
Before July I was that girl who played it safe by never taking any risks or chances.
July.
Because of July I felt accepted, appreciated, and cherished.
Because of July I stepped out of my comfort zone, tried new things, and was open to different perspectives.
Because of July I was sappy, smiley, and chatty.
Because of July I was able to unleash a part of myself I never felt comfortable with.
Because of July I let myself be vulnerable, be hurt.
Before January I was that girl who had never been in a relationship.
Before January I was that girl who was always single and was never pursued.
Before January I was that girl who was afraid of being touched, of letting people get close, of intimacy.
Before January I was that girl who had never kissed, cuddled, or slept over.
Before January I was cautious yet hopeful.
January.
Because of January I felt special, wanted, and attractive.
Because of January I have now kissed, cuddled, and slept over.
Because of January I can no longer identify with the girl who has never been in a relationship.
Because of January my view of love and relationships is skewed and altered.
Because of January I am confused, hurt, and cynical.
Before February I was that girl who was just best friends with a guy.
Before February I was that girl who was lost, confused, and hurt; obsessing over what happened and what went wrong.
Before February I was that girl who would have frowned upon what I am feeling now.
Before February I was that girl who knew what she wanted and would have stood up for it.
February.
Because of February my feelings are all out of whack.
Because of February I am questioning everything.
Because of February I am not sure where I stand in this thing we call friendship.
Because of February I feel I have to contemplate labels and what they mean to me.
Because of February I keep asking what I want, what I feel, and what I think.
Truth is: I just don’t know.